lemons, love, lesbians, and my new life
by Mirrorsandglitter
Summary: justin and brian have worked things out finaly in now,2008. but the gang gets and new visitor in their life that turns things up sidedown...for the better? this especially changes brian and justins life..Also this is NOT a cross over!
1. My brand new life

DISCLAIMOR: I own none of the beautiful queer as folk characters

A/U: PLEASE READ THIS FIRST! Please don't be made but the first chapter has nothing to do with the queer as folk characters but the second one will trust me! This is going to be a pretty long story, hopefully around 60 chapters(maybe) I'm hopping you'll like it. Please stick with it till the second chapter so at least you'll understand my thinking. You'll see at the end of the chapter how it all is going to tie together. Thanks for reading please review! I'll need lots of help

Wilmington, North Carolina.

2008 July 8th

WILLOWS POV

I wake up to the sound of Arizona clanging on pans and her parents putting clothes in big duffle bags. Her parents were Plato and Tierra around 60, and both earth motherish like. They were a beautiful couple for their age, only slightly wrinkle and some of the most politically savvy people you'd ever met. I could hear them down stair grumbling saying "fuck, that water boarding republican shit" then it was silent for a while.

I laid in bed watching the dots on the wall, I felt tears start to form in my eyes as I touched my bracelet and remembered my mom. My mom dies a month ago in a car accident, isn't that cliché and ironic? What a lame way to die, my mom wanted to go out in more class than that, something dignified like saving a bus of kittens that went into the river. Lily was my mother's name, short for Lillian and Arizona had been her life partner for five years, since I was 12. Arizona, a beautiful part time cook, was my rock for this whole endeavor, she had been like a mother for me, she was my second mother in a way. Of course she wasn't my real mother, I had one of those "normal, happy, hetero" upbringings; at least till I was two then my dad and mom split, and everyone knew why. She wasn't happy. Men didn't make her happy. Of course it was a beautiful novel romance like story that you heard about, married out of high school, had a baby, what a farce it was. It wasn't till I met Arizona that I realized that love was real.

I remembered giving my mom that bracelet, a matching one to my conch shell one. They were only 5 dollars each at a hippie like store by the beach but it was perfect.

"_You'll be a senior next year, you'll leave. Do you remember that movie son in law? That whats going to happen, you'll forget me when you go off to college." My mother stumbled over her words hanging her head in slight shame for being so paranoid._

"_Mom you're so crazy" I said kissing the side of her check. You've always been number one in my life, me and you forever, right?"_

"_Right!" my mom said in a delighted voice with bright eyes._

"_I have something for you" , I said handing over the matching conch shell bracelet, "it's so no matter where we are we'll always be together." _

_Her smile was indescribable. "I love you sweetness"_

The voice of Arizona and her parents talking was enough to catch my ear , so I hopped out of bed and put on what seemed like a clean "some chicks marry chicks, get over it" t shirt and a pair of dark fade jeans. I wrestled and tussled my big long curly hair; which some would say Is my most redeeming quality. I put on some slight make up, my tom shoes and fuzzy socks and headed down stairs.

When I saw Plato, Tierra, and Arizona all talking, standing in the kitchen I seemed to catch them off guard

Plato was sipping coffee then looked over the cup and directed his statement towards no one particular " today is the day, she been through so much. Fuck her ignorant downright stuck up conservative father, if he really loved her he let her stay here! With her family, friends, and Carmon; God I could see them getting married one day, and as devastated as she is to leave he's just as miserable to see her go, This is utterly unmistakable bull shit!"

Tierra took Plato's hand as to say, it all be okay. "Lower your voice sweetie, You don't want to wake Sweetness, Carmon will come over soon along with the Maggie girl, it'll be a sad good bye but she'll make it through. You're right though this is silly, and I can't stand it! Her father isn't her real family. He doesn't love her, doesn't call, child support isn't a father; but yet the second Lilly passed he jumped on the chance to take her in, he wants to brain wash her, wants her to become a perfect image of his "holier than though" anti gay conservative ways, That's the real crime.

Arizona eyes watered up, then turned to sobs, " I'll miss her so much, she's like my own" Her parents concerned eyes, and touches comforted her if only for a second.

"It'll be okay Arizona" I said walking into the kitchen, knowingly shocking her.

"oh-my…. I'm sorry willow, how long were you sta… did you hear all that?"

" The whole sha-bang, enough to know who my real family is at least" I smiled and lifted my hands up for a hug. She returned the sentiment. " My dad loves me, he just broke his emotion- showing bone in some odd farming accident I think. We talked, he'll treat me just like Sarah." My step sister, "he'll pay for my insurance on my car, and is even okay with me going to art college as long as its in state. I'll call EVERY day, it'll be okay guys. Plus you guys toats know that the first chance I get I'll be right back here under the good ol' mason- Dixon line" I said with a overly southern accident.

We all talked for a while over coffee and bagels. Tierra made jokes about angry Yankees, and Plato gave me advise. They all stuck money in my bad without me looking knowing I wouldn't oblige to that notion. We laughed over old times and they gave me a gift which was a copy of my favorite book " the perks of being a wall flower" along with some paints, the expensive ass kind, a new fake leather jacket, some sketch pads, and a box of condoms. The box of condoms basically wraps up who my family is. After all the words were said, the good bye's were spoken, the laughs came out, and the tears were shed, there was only one thing left to say.

"God, I really miss her" I spoke softly, with a touch of a smile on my face.

"Yeah, I really do too sweetie"

There was a moment of silence which seemed to go on forever that finally was interrupted by a knocking on the door.

" Oh my, my, my. Are those visitors for little ol me?" I said putting a hand to my forehead while walking towards the door,

Arizons POV

God she is so strong. I can't imagine a life without her, and I know once she's there her dad he'll will never let me near her again. Let me explain some things about willow. She's so talented, has an amazing voice, amazing artistic abilities, brave, and so funny. I remember having conversations with her about thing that were so refreshing such as politics, religion, human behavior, and just random bull shit tangents that would make me laugh. We would "joke and smoke" as she say, even though willow hated smoking and thought it was for the weak at heart who wanted to be cool. I'll be damned if I let her father crush her spirit, ruin that beautiful girl. She had a power that was within her, a confidence, and most of all a passion for love and life. Instead of being all Elliot smith about her mother's death, she copped normally, cried when she needed too and laughed when she wanted, she healed. I know she'll get through her mother's departure; I just wish I was there to see it.

Willow stood in the door way holding Carmon hand while Maggie laid her head on willows shoulder with tears in her eyes. "There_ is so much I could say, but words get in the way, so when you're gone I'll remember you." _Willow said with a lump knotted in her stomach, she always quotes songs and famous sayings in normal conversation, just one of her many attributes. " God Willow, you're so cheesy" Carmon said with a chuckle obviously holding back tears. " Why do you always talk like that?"

In a soft voice she answered " because it's true, and because you love it when I do." Now she had a soft smile.

"yeah I really do" Carmon said pushing hair behind willows ear. " will you do another one for me, sweetness?"

"_I've been afraid of changing, because I built my life around you, but time makes you bolder and children get older, and I'm getting older too." _ At that the tears they both tried so hard to hold back went flowing. They embraced each other and Carmon whispered in willows ear "I love you"

"I love you more" she replied back.

She and Maggie had their tearful good bye. It was talking about all there shenanigans and how much they meant to each other and no matter where the world took them they would ALWAYS be best friends. They were an odd pair, but perfect together, almost as perfect as willow and Carmon.

Last was the good bye with me and my parents, it was almost too much to handle. The good bye was short; we've been saying goodbye for the last month now, nothing left could be said.

"Well, Plato, Terrie, and or course Arizona, my flight will be leaving soon, me and Carmon and Maggie should head out."

"Yeah, baby, you should" Arizona replied.

As I left towards the door I chuckled "Fuck, who the hell lives in Pittsburg? What do people do in Pittsburg?"

Carmon chuckled " I guess you'll find out soon enough."


	2. i'm coming home

A/U : This is ALL about Brian and Justin. Please review. Thank you. (:

Also this is mostly flashbacks, but works good. I hope you enjoy.

Justin's POV

2008 July 2nd

New York City

I looked out of the window overlooking the center of Manhattan with the biggest smile on my face. Diligently I was placing items and the clearly marked boxes, clothes, paint, etc. I could hear Brian humming from behind me to some music I had playing out of the stereo. The band name was Noah and the whale; they were good, one of my favorite, but just another indie band that would get lost in the madness of New York. I'm glad I'm getting out.

As I listened to Brian hummed I realized he had changed. Don't get me wrong, he was still the man I loved, funny, sarcastic, prideful, confident, unattainable, and fuckable as hell. So what's the change, well he softened, he doesn't trick half as much anymore, he's easier to get through to, and sometimes he'll actually back down to you if your persistent enough. Also he spends more time with Gus and even through the madness of work he never gave up on us. I think me leaving put thing in priority, things changed and his ideals changed, what he wanted changed, isn't that a part of growing up? Brian was no longer peter pan anymore.

"Sunshine!" Brian yelled in a disgusted tone, "What the hell is this?" he said holding up a Barbra Streisand CD.

"Don't judge me" I snickered shamefully, "she's a beautiful singer."

"God its happened, your now a full blooded ho-mooo-sexual, aunty emm would be so proud."

I threw a towel at his smirking face and we both laughed then went back to packing.

Something else changed also, our conversation became more colorful, which allowed me to get to know him in a way I didn't before. Don't get me wrong, me and Brian have always been in love, despite his lacking social and conversational skills sometimes, but it was different now. In the past I couldn't have a 30 minute conversation without some sarcastic banter, but now we actually TALK about everything and anything without the constant need to say something sarcastic. Which once again proved to me that the distance really cleared our minds.

As Brian hummed even louder to the music now but I was thinking back to the night I decided, or should I say came to my senses, about my living in New York.

_I had just gotten done with another lavish gallery opening, code work for stuck up, rich social event. I stood in front of one of my pieces with a dazed stair. I sipped on red wine and sulked In my own body while feeling the same confident feeling I always do after being fawned over all evening. I wondered what Deb, Ted, Michael, and Emmet were doing right now. They were probably all at debs house eating a load of Italian food laughing their asses off, or at some themed gathering Emmet had planned. Mostly I wondered what Brian was doing, and counting the days till he flies in next week. As I stood pensively my assistant, Tessa, walked up behind me._

_ "You know, artist usually don't see a dime till their dead, but you Justin, you're like fucking Picasso, van Gou, Pollock, hell Warhol."_

_ " I was lucky" I said rolling my eyes._

"_Fuck luck!" she loved to illustrate the diversity of the work fuck, "your brilliant Justin, you know it's true." After some silence and feet shuffling she started up again "You make so much money, really you could work anywhere, somewhere different where you could be happy…. I mean for Christ sake you get paid 50 dollars a day just for one of your pictures to hang in this gallery and each of your painting sell for around 3000 each, you make a killing." _

"_What are you implying, Tess?" I look at the very beautiful, stick skinny, read head. Tess had became the New York version of Daphne almost. Me and her constantly girl talked, and she knew practically everything about my past life in the Pitts. Which meant she knew the all so holly Brian Kenny legacy. _

"_Nothing, nothing at all, just that if you wanted to be with a certain person who makes you happy in a place called, I don't know, let's call it Pittsburg, we could work it out to where basically nothing would change…but your happiness level."_

"_Tess! I love you, and thank you for the lovely offer but I'm very happy."_

"_You're a fucking zombie! I know what you want, please don't take me for a fool. You look at a dog and say " oh, the shade of that dogs main reminds me of Brian! Oh look at that sway coat, I could see Emmet wearing that! I know you want to be back there, at least I'm almost sure I do. And Justin if this is truly what you want you shouldn't wait for a fucking sign or god to come down himself. I'm your fucking sign Justin, I want you happy. Am I right or am I right?_

_My smile was so big it could fill the whole room. My eyes swelled up and I spoke clearly " you've never been more right, Tess." _

_She jumped on me with a huge hug, "I'm going to miss my beautiful blond, but trust me, everyone who knows you knows this is right" _

"_Tess you're as brilliant and you are beautiful."_

" _I know, 10 times more than you" she snickered. I guess there's only one last thing to do." _

"_And what would that be?" _

"_Call your hubby, of course."_

_The phone call with Brian was short, very short. _

" _why hello sunshine, what an honor to actually hear from you. Twat."_

"_Brian…I'm ready, if you are too I'd like for us to talk about it"_

_Brian didn't seem to understand at first, but then it him like a train. _

"_I'll be there, first thing tomorrow."_

"_I'll be there." I whispered_

_Brian broke through the door of the Manhattan loft, which was similar but bigger than brains. He came in and smiled at me but then noticed about 20 different boxes sitting around the loft. The look of confusion turned into me walking up to him, running my hand through his chestnut hair and saying " we need to talk" _

_Brian always got nervous when I said, we need to talk but this time we both knew different this time._

"_Let me start, okay. I realized something Brian, when I left 3 years ago it wasn't because I didn't love you, at all!"_

"_I know that sunshine, that's why we've made it work long distance."_

" _I know we have, the distance has made us closer, we've changed, we've grown as people, we want different things. So, what I realized is we didn't get married because we weren't ready."_

" _No shit, Justin, your rambling worse than Emmet when he talks about cowboy boots."_

" _I'm sorry" I spoke softly, I looked up at his face. God was he still the most beautiful man in the world. "I needed to discover the world, become my own person, and learn more about myself. What I found out is I'm not always going to be a victim or a kept boy, I'm independent now. But one day I was sitting here and I realized I know who I am now, and I know what I want out of life and a lot of it I have but there's one thing I don't have, that I gave up years ago because we weren't ready." I took a breath and I looked at Brian as he licked his lips and gave me a " fuck Christ, will you say it already look." "Brian, our whole relationship we've never been straight forward with each other, it's always back and forward, pull and tug. So for the first time, here I go. I'm ready. I'm ready for us, you and me. Over the last 3 years we've proved we can make it somewhat, but I'm ready to be back in Pittsburg, with you. I love you unconditionally. I'm ready for us to be equals, to be committed. I'm not saying monogamous or even married but something better than out previous arrangement. So what I'm asking Brian, do you think you're ready?" _

Brains POV

_As Justin went on him, I'm ready are you ready tangent I thanked god in my head. This is all I've wanted for the last two and half years. If I was to admit it to myself I'd say it's all I wanted since he left. For months I indulged in normal vices, drugs, fucking, Babylon, but then I realized what I lost and those faceless fucks meant nothing anymore. Being with Justin started to be all that mattered, Justin leaving made me want to be a better person. Hell it wasn't even Justin it was waking up and realizing "Fuck! I'm a 36 year old club boy, I don't want this shit." Don't get me wrong, I'm no Helen fucking Keller, I still indulge in a good fuck and love to throw around sarcastic judgment banter but I realized from the cancer and the explosion and Justin leaving that I'm done, I'm done letting the past control my life._

"_Justin" I said moving my tong around in my mouth. " You, and me, we'll never be a story that ends. Were like that movie the never ending story, only without a magical book and a giant flying white vagina."_

_Justin laughed and smiled big. I remembered why we called him sunshine once again, why I thought he was so beautiful in the first place. I went on to tell him my thoughts._

"_Okay I'll be completely honest with you, for the first time…probably ever." And I went on to tell him everything. "Not wanting to be a club boy, changing what I want, how the cancer made me reevaluate my life. _

"_I'm done letting my past mommy, daddy issues dominate my life. It's pathetic. They're both dead now and I let their fucked up issue keep me from being happy….keep me from being with you. I'm done, I'm done with that hetero hatred bull shit. If anyone knows how to love…" I wrap my arms around Justin, my partner, "It's us Fags."_

_Justin kissed me deeply. His hands rubbed through my hair and I could feel his smile._

_I pulled him away " And you were right, if you didn't leave, I wouldn't of realized what I needed. That I'm ready."  
>"Ready?" Justin said bouncing up and down.<em>

_I ran my head over his face and through his face, " You heard me goldilocks, you know too much of this romance stuff gives me stomach cramps."_

_Justin laughed and pulled me in kissing me deeply. I ran my fingers across his collar bone then slipped it under his shirt as he unbuckled my pants. I licked up his neck and laid him down softly on the nearby couch._

_Soon I was laying naked, inside of him. Having Sex with Justin has to be one of the Seven Wonders of the World; Beautiful and special in different ways. Anyone who didn't get to experience it was missing out on something I couldn't seem to explain. I lied playing with his blond hair. He was 23 now but still looked as beautiful and youthful as ever. That's something I really loved about Justin besides his maturity bravery and kindness, the fact he seemed to pass for a fallen angle. That he was forever young, gorgeous. His bright blue eyes always went right through me and his golden hair melted me, I laid and took in the features I've been missing. His eyes opened and he let out a yawn while trying to say something._

" _so, with my art I will be coming back one weekend out of the month to make sure everything okay and tie knots, and Tess will handle my work and the sells."_

"_Sounds like a plan, sunshine."_

"_Brian, what about us. We need a set plan." _

"_And we'll have it, scouts honor. But I do know two things. One, were staying together this time, no more breaking up bull shit, you're not getting rid of me this time."_

"_And the second one?" _

"_Were going back to Pittsburg." _

Justin's POV

I came out of my flash back when I heard Brian belting out lyrics as he grabbed my hand to spin me around.

"Brian!" I yelped "You are a horrible dancer, great at a lot of things but dancing and singing are NOT one of them."

"Oh come on sunshine." He said pulling me in " I'm trying to be ridiculously romantic"

With that I dance and sung with him as loud as our lungs could till we were laughing loudly on the floor. Brian slapped my ass and said " Come on tight ass, the moving van is here and we wouldn't want to keep the brigade of loving home folk waiting"

"Pittsburg, here we come!"


	3. the things i wish would change

A/U: Hey guys! I really hope you're enjoying the story as much as I'm enjoying writing it. Please help me with things I can change to make it better(: I'm sorry all my chapters are short. I just always stop where I feel the chapter should really end, plus the shorter the chapter the more I can update..at least that's my thinking. Lol. Thank you guys!

I had only been 8 days and my dad's promises were already starting to fall apart. In no way shape or fucking form did he treat me like Sarah, who had just turned 15. Sarah was a little princess and I was nothing to her but a slave girl, she loved to call me a freak.

"_God willow, why do you have to act so different? The music you listen to is different the clothes you wear, don't you want to fit in? Anyway, my friends are coming over so don't interrupt."_

"_You know what Sarah, your right. I've been missing out all this time. Silly me was acting like an individual while I should have been acting like you, a prototypical shallow stuck up zombie like conformist." I said with my voice rising. "So I guess I'll just have to go throw away all my clothes and music then start mimicking you!"_

_Sarah stared at me heatedly "whatever willow, dad said you need to clean dishes tonight."_

"_But tonight's your night to do it." _

"_well, I guess he had a change of heart."_

I got of all of Sarah's chores, but I didn't really mind. I was too busy missing home and wondering about my upcoming senior year to really give a flying flip about my mistreatment. I was actually pretty use to it.

Me and my dad didn't really talk, unless it was about some biblical garb. My step mother, Jessica was nice and understanding and usually made my dad back down on me a little. Her and I would watch movies together and go for walks and I'd talk about my mother's death slightly if only to vent.

Her response would always be, you know gods watching over you. God loves you.

Don't get me wrong Arizona was a devout catholic and my mother use to say things like " I wish more people believed in God. We need faith in this world." So I knew god was real.

But me being so liberal and them being…well no so liberal, I highly doubt the loving Christians of the world would open their arms to a quote on quote "baby killing, homo love." That's just how it is.

I tried to work on my art school portfolio to keep myself preoccupied, mainly because I knew soon my dad would blow up at me, that I'd do something to make him angry, I always did. Dad has never hit me but he came close a few times, to close for comfort I might add so I stayed out of his way. I talked to Carmon about three times a dad, along with Arizona. God I remember me and Carmon drinking beer in his car laughing about how we'd leave Wilmington one day, now I'd do anything to get back to that damn beach town.

As I was washing dishes my dad came up to talk to me, which was rare. " I really wish you wouldn't wear things like that." His eyes glided up and down my stature in that, I'm judging you way and you know it. "Those clothes don't flatter your body at all sweetie, you know us, the whole family is overweight. I can tell you've gained a few too." He said pinching my side.

I stared at him blankly, and then I remembered, this was who my dad was. My dad had a lovely, almost eloquent way of putting people down. This is probably why I hope he gets eaten by a mountain lion one day. "Thanks for the wonderful advise dad, really, thanks."

"Don't be like that towards your father Willow." He said trying to keep his anger in control. "You should really respect me, you're lucky I'm letting you stay with me."

I looked at him so vexed like, in my mind I screamed, "Then why did you take me you cunt sucker, why didn't you let me stay?" But instead I just continued to wash dishes.

"Willow, I think you should try to find a job. It's hard enough with 3 people living here so you should at least try to pull your own weight."

"That's a brilliant idea." I smiled at him widely. In all honestly it was, I needed some reasonable way to get out of the house without my dad asking questions.

"It's a job Willow, not a trip to Disney world. Try not to look so happy about it."

"I'm sorry father, I'll try harder to suppress all sunshiny feelings." I said with a roll of my eyes.

With that he walked away and I dried off my hands. My mom use to talk of this place she'd go to whenever shed visit the Pitts with dad. She said whenever she went there it was the first time she knew she was not a completely straight woman she'd always pretended to be. She said it reminded her of herself and me. So this was where I decided to go job hunting, Liberty Avenue. I hoped maybe I could find my mom somewhere there in the nameless faces.

Brian's POV.

Liberty Avenue was hopping as always. I was wrapping my arms around his waist from the back as we walked. We passed a group of drag queens and Justin smiled and said "And when you thought the world could not get anymore Gay, there we go."

I laughed and slapped his ass slightly. Justin yelped a little then went on to say " Their going to freak, you know that right?"

"I told you we could of told them before hand. Besides it's not like they didn't know we've still been together. In all honesty it really isn't their business anyway."

"There's the repressed, fuck em all Brian I love." He said with a smile. "It's okay. You know me, I love the shock factor." He said the licked his lips devishly.

I kissed him deeply "Don't tempt me" I laughed through kisses "It's not beyond me to blow you off in the middle of the street."

"Ha! That be a wonderfully awkward way for our friends to find out."

"we wouldn't have to deal with bull shit explanations." I said grabbing him close to me with a tent of seriousness to my tone.

"Don't even think about it, Were going to the dinner."

I was still holding him from behind as we entered the dinner. The whole gang was there, minus the muncheres. "God is it shirtless stud Sunday in the dinner again!" I yelled. At that, the eyes of all our friends eyes light up our way. Not because of me, but because of Justin and his beautiful smile being on my arm.


	4. same sex talk

A/U if your still with me on this story I'm so sorry for messed up grammar. I just realized I was spelling diner like dinner. I know that messed with the text. But never fear I'm currently looking for a beta.

Willows POV

You know I play guitar, contrary to my family's belief not very well. They always had to be so supportive. So when I got rejected by about 10 different stores with disgusted looks it took all of me not to run back to my parking meter, pull out my guitar and start playing it right there for spare change. But alas, I didn't do that. I still have some pride. I kept walking up Liberty Avenue and I saw what my mom saw in this place, but at the same time I didn't. Everyone was so cold. You could walk by a person and try to wave and smile and they look at you like you were some type of animal that unhinged its jaw to eat its young. That's not appealing. A lot of the people I walked pass on liberty avenue were talking about fucking, or basically fucking right there on the street. So I concluded most people on liberty cared about getting their dick sucked more that the southern hospitality on one girl.

Wilmington was a smallish biggish transient city, a lot of people, a lot of shit, not a lot of space. It was by the beach and immensely populated by college students who were all beautiful, basically Barbie's dream island. My face just seemed to stick out, hell me in general. For the most part though everyone was nice and respectful and tolerant towards other sexual orientation, but Wilmington has NOTHING like liberty avenue.

Still wishing to find a glimpse of my mom in the nameless faces, I walked. That was in till I was really craving for some food and still a job, and SWEET TEA. So I picked myself up dusted myself off and walked to the nearest place to eat, the liberty diner.

When I entered the diner I saw it, my mom. I saw her charm, her perseverance, all in once establishment. Sadly, there was a lot of noise being thrown around and I couldn't really talk to anyone. The attention of every one was all being given to these two unbelievably handsome men. So I sat in the closes booth and decided to be my nosy self.

A red haired, enthused women walked up to the very handsome blond. " SUNSHINE! Why are you here? Are you back? Why didn't you tell me?

The chestnut brown haired handsome man replied "Get off his dick, Deb. Sunshine is back, for good, With me.

A look of shock glazed the eyes off all the friends, obviously there was something odd about that sunshine boy being back. Especially with the other handsome man.

A tall, flaming man was the first to break the silence. "Well my mama use says, if God wants something to happen he'll just do it. That it's just faith and there's nothing you can do about it so this is great, guys! He responded with the biggest smile. I couldn't help but want to hug him up, he was obviously from somewhere in the south like me and had more southern hospitality and optimism in his fucking pinkie finger than in anybody I've met here before. It really didn't matter that he had on dark black vest over a pink t-shirt with a bow tie on, it made him all the more quirky.

I couldn't help but say "My mom use to say things like that." But my comment was met with stares, thankfully I only thought the red haired Deb and the happy tall man, there's really no other way to describe him, heard me. So I retreated my eyes toward the bracelet on my wrist with sad puppy eyes. "Will I ever make friends in this town? Maybe I should invest in a hamster or a pet rock." I thought to my self.

"Thanks Emmet." The sunshiny blond said. "I always thought me and brain were soul mates." He said cooing over, brain? Is that what he said his name was, and pinching him. Brian rolled his eyes but smiled. "But the real reason I'm back has less to do with God and more to do with the fact that, He lovessssssss me oh he lovesss me."

Everyone giggled, and from the back a shorted man with short brown hair said, "But I thought Brian was God?" And at that the whole lot of them started laughing.

The sunshiny boy made a "Psh" sound and gave Brian a crooked smile.

"You were always so smart Theodor, but I really like marry loe's idea better, that it was at the hand of God himself that I butt fuck Justin every night." His voice rose like thunder when he said that, and everyone laughed hard.

As I waited I took out my sketch book and tried to draw faces that I saw, they were all such characters. So different and unique.

A shorter man, very handsome man in that school boy type of way walked up now. "So what are you guys going to do, I really hope it works out better than the last plane, Oh and also I'm sorry for not saying anything sooner I was too busy thinking WHY THE FUCK DID MY BEST FRIEND NOT TELL ME HE WAS COMING BACK WITH JUSTIN!"

"Yeah, you twats." Deb said slapping them both on the head but then returned it with a smile.

" Mikey, calm down. It was my fault. I thought it be a nice surprise, and now that I'm back we can concentrate more on rage."

With that he gave an "I'm so glad your home look" and hugged Justin."

"See Michael, there was no reason to get your balls tied in a knot. Plus you have the professor, two kids, and a pair of munchers at home. Did you ever think I was just being selfless?."

He laughed. "Brian Kenny selfless, not in this life time." Even though the comment seemed harsh the two men embraced in a hug and Brian kissed him on the forehead.

"Now you two sit those tight assed right in that booth, I'm ordering you both a pink plat special. No ifs ands or butts." The energetic Deb said.

As they all sat and continued to talk I thought that maybe I should just leave, but then I remembered how brave my mom use to be and how weak of me that be. I couldn't tarnish her good name, so yes, I'll go talk to someone. It's just, it might take a minute..

Debbie's and somewhat willows POV

I looked at that girl who sat in the booth right behind the group of Gay P.A that I call my family. She had tried saying something to us, which for some random teen age girl to do, took balls.

She was absolutely beautiful and sitting there I could already tell see she was a confident, persistent mother fucker. A part of me wondered if she be anything like Justin. Maybe she'd come into our lives and change it for the better. I always thought god had a weird way of working things out. But like always, I'm getting way ahead of myself.

The girl was luminous. She had long dark brown hair with big curls, big brown eyes, full lips, and was slightly tanner than most people around her. She wore a colorful toboggan type hat that hung off her hear head and a white t- shirt that said " Free Gandhi" on it in with a picture of him, mug shot style. She also wore red pants, she was something else. She was a little curvy, but definitely not fat. If anything it was more of a Marilyn Monroe figure. She actually reminded me of Justin, A lot, only with big boobs and a vagina.

I could tell she wanted to approach me but was scanning her mind on what to so I decided to take the initiative myself. " Hey! Girl who keeps looking at me, come here." I yelled pointing to her then the bar stool."

A few of the friends stared at me as I got up to walk over but then their eyes retreated away. I walked up and sat down on the stool but inside my head I could not stop laughing because as nervous as I was all I could think about was the saying " what Neil Patrick Harris do" a saying me and Maggie swore by. NPH was pretty much God.

"Howdy", she said extending a hand with the brightest smile.

I shook it and returned the smile, "You gotta name, kid."

"Oh! My name of course. I guess I dropped my manners at the door. Willow. Willow specter."

"Willow specter, huh? That's a funky name I like it."

"Yea, my mom named me after the lesbian witch off of Buffy the vampire slayer, she was a character my mom. If willows too much of a mouth full I understand. I heard you call that boy over their sunshine; Well that's ironic because my family calls me sweetness, almost more than they call me willow. So if you'd like to you could use that. They call me that because they say I'm so sweet, which I guess I am but I really have a mouth on my I mean I ALWAYS say how I feel which can get me in trouble but I never play games wither which is good and….and I'm rambling…I'm so sorry. Sometimes I go off on tangents but I never really ramble."

I smiled big " I like you! You have spunk kid. But what is it that I can help you with here."

She gave me a look of complete sadness, all that Glowing joy that was just in her eyes melted away. It was almost as if her eyes were saying, can you please give me my life back.

"Could you help me with current unemployment status? If you could I'd be willing to put big money on you being a fucking angle."

I paused for a second and the responded "Well, keke just quiet, That old drag queen got up and move to tampa. We could hire you but I'd have to have an interview first. You need to be somewhat qualified to balance a plate with falling." I said with a smile.

"Oh, well I've never had a job before."

I sighed, "That doesn't mean I can't hire you but sweetness, waiting tables here is hard work for someone who's never done it before."

"Deb, please give me a chance. I'm the hardiest fucking worker you'll ever find when I'm given the chance. Please, I'll do anything. I'm not beyond begging, hell I'll get on my knees and beg right now if need be." She said franticly.

"Wow, Wow, willow, this is a diner not the back room of Babylon. I'll tell you what, you tell why you need this job so badly and it's all yours."

"I don't like playing the victim" she said sheepishly, looking around.

"You're not playing anything. I'm asking."

"Honestly, the truth is my mother died about two months ago." With those words my somewhat lighthearted stature turned cheerless. Life without your mother…was incomprehensible to me. "I'm fine now, well sort of. I was made to move in with my dad. You see I use to live in North Carolina. My dad's..well he's a character, definitely the protagonist thought. He doesn't treat me very well…if he treats me at all. I don't have any fam…" She struggles with her worlds as a glazed look comes over her eyes that can only mean tears. " No family, no friends, and all and all no love. Not here anyway" I feel a lump of sadness inside me now, and I've gone through a lot; Being a single mother, Vick's death, Almost losing Michael, But this didn't compare at all."

"When do you wasn't to start?" I said abruptly.

"You heard me, when do you want to start?" I said as I wiped tears from my eyes.

"Right now would be lovely."

"Good." I threw an apron her way. I'll start you as soon as possible.


	5. she talkes to angles

Justin's POV

They say that smell is strongest trigger for memory, so as we sit and talk to all of our friends I can't help but take in every smell. As me and Brian play footses underneath the table I can smell the scent of his hair. That smell reminds me of all the times we slept in his bed and my face would be beneath his chin.

Loving Brian wasn't always easy but contrary to belief he loved me and showed it in the best way he could, as fucked up as that way may have been. He held my hand and helped me get better, helped me want to feel alive again, after the bashing; Even though he admitted it to be guilt it wasn't all guilt. Every time I've almost stepped over the edged Brian was right there to push me back. During the whole pink posse mess, he knew I was in over my head. He stopped me from making mistakes, hell, when I had the gun to Chris Hobbs I didn't hear my moral compass talking, I heard Brian.

When he had cancer he pushed me away; the main reason he pushed me away wasn't because he didn't love me. On the contrary he loved me too much. Unlike Michael, he was afraid if I saw he was not this perfect God that I use to think of him as then I'd walk away. What he didn't know back then is love isn't that simple. You don't just walk away when things get bad because sooner or later they always get bad.

With the Ethan thing, Brian loved knowing that the imaginary picture that I painted of romance and happiness faded to dust, maybe just to boost his own denial of his own emotion; But the fact of the matter was the way I felt for Ethan was really all idealistic and a child like fantasy. I knew Brian loved me because without a seconds thought he took back. I'm not excusing the lack of love he gave me emotionally because it was true, his lack of emotional attachment ended up caching up with us eventually; I'm just saying that it was always so obvious how he really felt but he could never let me completely into his heart because of his image, his fear of heartbreak, and his damn pride.

But 3 years ago he let me go, not because he was pushing me away not because he didn't want me in his life, but because he truly loved me. When you love someone you let them go. Then, he brought me back, not to play games, and not because he felt obligated but because he loved me, because it was the right time now and it wasn't back then.

I'm not sure what arrangement he's going to bring to the table. I somewhat just wish we could stop with the rules and just be together, me and him because in the words of the great lady gaga "_And after all the drinks and the bars that we've been to would you give it all up, I would give it all up for you. And after all the boys and the boys that we've been through would you give it all up if I promise, boy would you?"_ I would give it all up because I knew that after all these years there's nothing else I want from anybody else. He's the one, I'm taken. But that may not happen. I know deep down though I'm all Brian Kenny wants, and he's all I want and this times were going to make it work. Without the delusion or the misunderstanding, only this as equals.

Brian's POV

"I'm not going to that fundraiser!" Justin said making a, in your dreams look."

"Why the fuck, not?" twat.

"The better question is why you do? You HATE the gay and lesbian center almost as much as you hate heteros."

"There having a Jake Gyllanhall movie athon to raise money, that's why!" I know how this sounds I really do, me awing over an actors, but c'mon have you seen the man?

" I hate his movies. Their all demented, morbid, disgruntle and most people only like them because they think he's some incarnation of George Clooney."

" Have you seen Donnie Darko, Its one of the best psychological thrillers this worlds ever seen." I remember when I first watched that, that Donnie's confusion seemed to mimic mine growing up so whenever I felt so insignificant and as small as teds dick I would watch it.

"It's over ratted, possibly the only good film he has had." He looked at the look in my eyes which said, fine I give up. "Okay, okay, I tell you what; If I go to the Jakeie athon then you have watch Dr horrible sing along, with me! And! Sing along with the songs.

"Is that the one with Neal Patrick Harris in it?

"Mhm, sure is."

"I would love to, I use to love Neal. I remember watching him on doogie howser all the time when I was a kid."

"Ha! That's so old, my dad use to watch that." His hand touched my in a jokingly way.

"If I'm so much like your old man than maybe when we get home I'll have to spank you for being such a bad boy." I picked myself half way out of the booth leaning over the table to kiss and bite Justin's lip

"Oh god their going to do right here at the booth." Ted said grossed out with Blake around his arm kissing his cheek.

"Well, well, I love this whole new B/j thing. It's much better than all that bull hockey before. And I'm always glad to have my baby back." Emmet patted his hand on sunshine's head. "So! For your welcome home party, which your getting one no matter what you say, I'm thinking of a them, something that starts with a D." Emmet giggled and bounced around.

Me and Justin went on a tangent throwing out as many D words as we could

"Dicks?"

"dildos?"

"Dikes?"

"Um, no. As lovely as your nasty, nasty gutter minds are I was thinking something more along the lines of Debbie's!"

"You want Deb to be a theme, I'm sure she'd be flattered but it might be hard to find plastic cut outs of her big enough."

Ted let out a "Ha!" and Emmet just gave me a "fuck you" look. "What I meant Bri-AN, before you ever so eloquently interrupted was that we just have a classic, nice party at Debs. There is no more genuine of a way to say welcome back then to take it all back to where it's started. I mean let's face it, we've all been at debs more than brain's been in the back rooms of Babylon. I think it be just the perfect shindig for little old sunshine." Emmet gave one of his world class smiles while shoveling a fork full of pancake into his mouth.

An unknown girl walked up to our table, she was so bright and approached us with a beautifully large smile, " Hey boys, is there anything I can help you with today?"

"Yeah, it's called our bill; don't tell me Deb hired another incompetent teen out of pity?"

She widened her eyes at her ordering pad and pushed her tong to the side of her cheek. "Okay" she said with and even bigger smile. "I'll be right back."

"Brian!" Justin said in till I looked at him. "Why did you do that?"

"She was being slow, every baby hen as to learn sometime sunshine." He rolled his eyes at that.

"There's that Kenny charm, you didn't have to call her incompetent." He gave me a, what an ass look along with Ted, Emmet, and Blake.

"Oh come on guys, does this behavior really surprise you?"

Everyone at the table let out a "No."

"Just apologize, babe. We don't call you out on most of what you say but she's just a kid." I sighed and gave a "fine, I will" look at him.

The new waitress came towards the table and held up the bill. " I have your bill." She smiled.

Emmet gave a look and responded, "You have one bill? There are five of us."

"Oh, well since that very handsome yet disgruntle man over there" She pointed towards me "seemed SO eager to get his check, I could only assume that he felt not only obliged to pay the bill for his friends but pleased. So, Mister Kenny, here is your check" she said handing it over to me. " It comes to $82.43, have a lovely day." She smirked then walked off.

Everyone's mouths seemed to drop open and Deb who was now standing right by was laughing till the point her wig almost fell off.

"Did you put her up to this deb." I gave her a pissed off look.

After she caught her breath a little from laughing she let out a sigh. "No, that's why it's so awesome, she did it all by herself. Very smart kid."

"Yeah well the very smart kid just cost me 80 bucks."

"Oh like you can't afford it."

"I like her, she's ballsy." Justin butted in with a smile.

"Me too!" Emmet screeched "Why, she's the cutest thing I've seen in the liberty diner, and trust me there's been a lot of cute things in this diner.

Deb put her hand on her hip and looked at sunshine who was whispering something dirty in my ear, not that I minded at all; I almost forgot Deb was here. "Sunshine, I know you just met her but isn't it uncanny how she's so much like you."

"What?" justin and I said in unison. "Deb" Justin rose his eyebrows " She's kind of a girl, so if you're talking about a similarity in looks your sadly mistaken."

I just laughed "Maybe she means how you both love cock."

"Will the both of you shut up?" Deb demanded of us. "This has nothing to do with cock, for the first time. She's only 16, about to turn 17 in around a month, which was about the same time you started working. She's ballsy as hell and that's only for knowing her for the last hour and a half. She's a damn good artist, just about as good as you at her age. She's bright and very optimistic; I swear it's like the sunshine's out of her ass. Also, she's been through a lot of bad shit that's made her really grow up. I have a good feeling about this kid. I have a real good feeling.

"What are you getting at?"

"Alls' I'm saying is that she doesn't really have any friends because she just moved here and I thought you could show her around or help her with her art. I can tell by her eyes she's so sad and lonely her" Deb looks in the direction of the girl serving scrambled eggs to a group of drag queens while chatting them up. "She needs some type of friend, and I just thought you wouldn't mind sunshine, that's all."

"Of course Deb, I wouldn't mind at all." The funny thing about it was is that I knew he didn't, Justin was an amazingly kind person who loves to help. He also has an amazing curiosity for people and life, especially for a girl who could be in a similar place that he once was. His good heart was one of the many reasons I love him.

"You should invite her to our welcome home Justin party. So we can get to know her and I'll even invite her out to lunch one day. I know what it's like to not have any friends in a new town." Emmet gave a sympathetic sigh.

"That's sweetie" Deb patted him on the head. "I want you to all be very nice; she's had a hard life."

"Can we at least know what is wrong with the kid?" I couldn't just play the friendly stranger without knowing why. I mean, not that I wouldn't give her a chance if she actually came up to me and talked to me…or at least I hoped the new me would give her a chance, but maybe I was wrong.

"It's really a story you have to hear from her but man it's a good one"

I realized I needed to talk to Michael, he must be throwing a fit right now. No one knows him better than me. I kiss sunshine on the cheek, go pay the disgruntle girl and hear her say "Well isn't he has handsome and as mean as the devil."

Then I heard Emmet query " The devils handsome?"

"well he was a fallen ang-" that was the last I heard till I stepped out the door to find by best friend.

The comic book store had changed much, just a few different displays, it still smelled slightly like sex and dust with a hint of Glad air freshener, that's the smell this place has carried with it since I was a kid and Mikey would drag me here. I saw Oliver twist, or more commonly known as hunter, sitting on the floor fixing a display stand. "Hey, hunter, have you seen one of your moms around." He smirked at me and screamed "Mommy dearest! You have company."

Michael came out from the back room slightly disheveled and worn out, "Brian" Michael said "what do I owe this immense pleasure, did you go out and adopt a kid from Haiti and not tell me too" He snapped while playing around with some comic books.

I rolled my eyes, he could be such a drama King. I walked towards him then rapped my arms around him and he rolled his eyes "Mikey, I'm sorry, it was thoughtless of me. No one's has been there for me like you and I should have told you, but in my defense the twat didn't really give me much time. It was spontaneous and the whole moving thing was just a series of blurs but when he told me he wanted to come back, fuck mikey, it was the best high I've ever had."

"Better than E?" He said still trapped in my arms.

"Much."

He turned around put his arms around me and gave me a smile that only Michael can give me. "I'm so happy for you. What are you guys going to do this time though? It can't be the same arrangement that pushed you apart in the first place."

I took my arms from around him and sighed. "See that's why I came to talk to you, because that's the hard part. I know what I want to do, but me; yes me Brian Kenney is fucking scared shitless." I pinched my nose and hopped up on the counter.

I look at the man who has been my best friend forever. It's amazing how things have changed. Mikey was no longer pinning over me and I no longer felt the need to make it that way. Mikey will always be my best friend but our friendship now was different, we both finally grew up. Mikey use to be the one I would break down to because he was the only one I was secure enough to do that with, the one that I knew wouldn't leave me. Now, the only person I wanted to break down in front of was Justin, and I took comfort knowing that, that made me no less an equal partner in his eyes.

"Of what?" Michael said with a gazed pined at me.

I ran my hair through my hair trying to find the words, "I-Um-Fuck." I took a breath then started again. " I'm not scared of settling down, being with Justin. And yes. Only. Justin." I emphasized each word. "I want us to move back to Brittan, which he still doesn't know I have. I want us to get married. I want all these things. Only this time I want it because it's right not because I'm trying to keep him or make him happy. It's also for me.

Justin always tells me he never wants to change for him and only for me, and this time I have. Since I've became to new and improved Brian me and him, we've got to know each other in a way that my emotionally stunted self wouldn't allow before. And to my shock the little twat was right, we are soul Mates….not that I believe in spiritual idealistic romance bullshit, but I couldn't ever see me and Justin with anyone else." When I was done I gave that look at Michael that I give people when I'm being genuinely honest.

"Fuck, I've never heard you say something like that. Did some box within you exploded that heal all your repressed emotions over the years?"I roll my eyes "You read way to many fucking comics. Besides if that box is going to burst shouldn't it burst for Justin?"

He stood pensively for a moment gathering his thought, then said "What exactly are you scared of brian?"

"That as much as I want monogamy, I might not be able to give it to him. What if I fuck up and he leaves again. I cant do that shit again." I actually felt tears in my eyes at this point. Remembering all the lonely nights without Justin, I couldn't do it again. It was unbearable. "Let's face it mikey, I'm me. What if my pride gets hurt and I prove a point because I'm just a fucking ass hole like that. Hell, what if I'm just horny as fuck. .justin. But all I can promise is that I will try harder than anything to not fuck up, because I want to and that I'll never do it out of spite or to hurt Justin. Do you think that'll be enough?

Mikey gave me a, our you fucking kidding me look "Have you met Justin? He loves you so much and the fact that your trying so hard is going to be enough for me. He knows this isn't a conventional relationship, Just tell him the truth Bri."

"Ha, the truth. That's the one thing I can do. But that's the other thing I came to you for, What romantic fucking way am I going to make this gesture?"

"Well Brian Kenny's always been one for hug gesture's." Mikey walked toward me with a smile.

I jumped off the counter walking towards him with a bigger smile. "And I do like the shock factor." I now rapped my arms around him.

"But a huge gesture is going to take a lot of work."

"You know what that means? We have to get shaggy and the gang together again." I grinned

And mikey grinned and with that I knew I would be doing the biggest most important thing in my life for the only person worth doing it for.

A/N : Thank you so much for reading, I'm sorry if it's not clear that you're not suppose to know what brains doing for Justin. We find that out in a later chapter. Please read review (:


	6. posion and wine

**A/N : So, this chapter is pretty long; it's about 3,300 words. I hope you enjoy it still because I worked really hard on it. Please, please, please review! The encouragement and advice is really needed. I can't seem to find a beta so I think I'm just going to fly solo on this story, so just bear with me (: Also, I re read it 3 times to see if there were any grammatical mistakes, because my key board sticks really bad. So I'm really sorry if I skipped over something.**

**Thank you so much, everyone who is reading!**

Willows POV

"Jesus. Fuck. Christ." I said as I burnt myself with the cigarette between my fingers. I was taking in puffs and letting them out in almost a rhythm as I walked up the street filled with dull houses that were middle class at best. I never use to smoke but Jessica lets out more smoke than a chimney and buys in bulks so she never misses a pack being gone. I figured it's a free vice to get rid of stress. Of course I use to hate cigarettes, but I guess things change. I parked in a communal parking lot towards the end of the neighborhood and started walking down the paved sidewalk with my ear phones in muffling out any sounds, causing me to have my own personal soundtrack.

I was partially exited to my invitation to Justin's party but at the same time I was frightened, I didn't want to get my hopes up to just have this be some "pity invite"

Any fear was subsided as I let my mind wonder into the music playing in my ears.

"_When they call your name will you walk right up?_

_With a smile on your face, will you coward in fear _

_with your favorite sweater, and a old love letter._"

My steps went with the words and I felt memories that I thought were fleeting come rushing back to me; A lot of my mom, a lot of Carmon. I wonder what he was doing right now. I wondered if he missed me...

"_You know you could, I wish you would._

_Come pick me up, take me out, fuck me up, and steal my records._

_Screw all my friends behind my back with a smile on your face then do it again."_

We hadn't talked for a few days now besides the occasional; I'm busy text message from him. Which, to add injury to insult, I hate texting. I think of it as the fall of communication as we know it. I told myself he was just busy, that everything was fine but truthfully distance doesn't always make the heart grow fawner.

I shook out the bad thoughts trying to think more positively, like, what would I say or I'm sure they will like me, right? They were all adults, most, besides Justin and maybe Blake was well over 30. Why would any self respected adult want to be seen with a 16, almost 17 year old? Questions banged on my head like, what the fuck should I talk about? Am I dressed nice enough? What deportment is expected out of me and mostly should I just be myself?

I was brought out of my fog when I saw the numbers 234 on a bright red mail box, this must be it.

I walked up to the door and stood there for what seemed decades. "No matter what Willow, don't talk in lyrics…people usually think that's weird." I told myself "okay, this is no big deal, here I go." I put out my cigarette straightened out my dress then came the knocking of the door.

Justin's POV

The whole family was there, and it was almost like time had stood steal for a second. Every one's life has changed so much. Emmet was a very famous party planner, ted was starting his own business, Ben and Michael were the picture of marital bliss and now 19 year old hunter was at carnage Mellon making a fucking success of himself and also much more muscular, with a better style and some strikingly handsome facial hair and features. But at this moment everything seemed to be the same, Ben talking about current affairs, Ted making sarcastic pop culture references, Emmett telling us about stories of his old country life on the farm. All the while me and Brian were in the center of it and like a lot of times before the conversation would be lead back to sex.

"Oh god a new business, let's hope you don't end up the center of a sex crime this time."

"No worries Justin, this time it'll be a lot less foreplay a lot more finances."

"Finances have always made me horny." Brian added in sarcastically.

"The burning of Joan of arc makes you horny." I smiled wrinkling my nose as Brian laughed and pulled me into a kiss by the collar.

_Moments like that take my breath away. _

"So when are you going back to New York to take care of that lofty, superior artist life?"

"Brian, shut up your just jealous that I'm twice as successful as you in half the time." I stuck out my tong at him.

"Well, twat, I always did like my men to be well endowed." Brian's eye brow raised and I just rolled my eyes.

"We don't need to know how hung Justin is." Mikey said stuffing bread in his mouth.

"What? Endowed, by dictionary standards means someone who makes a great amount of money, Perverts." Brian gave a wry smile to the table.

"Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?" Debbie smirked. "You're kind of the master, bri."

"Well" I said changing the subject "In about 3 weeks I'm going back to hand over some of my impressionist paintings and help set up the new gallery. You can come with me."

"Sure, I'm sure work wouldn't miss me." Brian said grasping my hand. "Plus I never turn down any reason to shop in Manhattan."

"God, you and your labels'." I smiled at him. "Whore."

He ran his hand through my hair. "Among, other things, yes I am." Then he kissed my chin. I squinted my eyes and gave a huge smile while slowly giving his lips soft kisses.

Teds voice interrupted my cloud 9, "Jesus, I never thought I'd see the day. You two are like a fucking married couple. Jesus Brian, did you somehow proved all boundaries of science wrong and knock little Justin up?"

"It's called LOVING someone Theodor, something I'm sure you know all about" He said motioning towards Blake, "Besides were not the happy hetero breeders sitting on their front porch rocking babies. Our feelings are raw and unconventional and real, that way no one gets hurt because of delusions we plant in each other's heads. We only make promises we can keep and settle for nothing less, were not like the hetero's and god fucking forbid we ever be."

Everyone's jaw seemed to extended 10 inches, even mine. Brian, the master, admitting in front of everyone his love for me? Was this real? Still his speech left me even more in the dark about the arrangement he's coming up with, which he tells me every day that it's close.

Debbie, of course was the first to break the silence. " Well if you ask me you two are still just like a fucking married couple."

Michael laughed a little. "Not yet, but so-." Brian kicked him in the knee causing him to stop mid sentence and make a look filled with pain.

"Fuck Brian what was that for?"

"You know me and my restless feet." He smiled and Michael just rolled his eyes.

That second there was a knocking on the door.

"I'll get it." I jumped up towards the door then opened it to find willow standing there gift in hand.

"Hey sunshine! I hope you don't mind me calling you that, happy…um..well..welcome home.." She put a tight hug around me and showed a big smile. "I got you a present. I'm sorry to be so forward it's just growing up in the south we had this expression, instead of, any reason to drink, it was, any reason to spend. It's just downright bad manners not the get you a present."

I laughed at the girl's bubbly charm. "Of course you can call me that, and thank you so much." I opened the bag to find 3 royal Sofia paint brushes, I was stunned. These type of paint brushed run about 40 dollars EACH, how could she afford them. "I-um, wow"

As if she could read my mind she said, "My mom made them for a living. It seems tedious but she wanted to be an artist but followed a more logical path and went to nursing school. She passed out at the sight of blood." She gave a little laugh. "So she got a job hand crafting paint brushing, to no one's surprise she loved it. Plus the free paint brushes were a bonuses."

I gave her a big hug and a " thank you" then we started to head back inside.

Hunters Pov

I smelt her before she entered the room, lilac's, that was the smell. Then there she was, arm intertwined around Justin laughing as if they were best friends. She wore a strapless dress that went to her knees and tapered in the middle showing her sexy curves and a tattoo on top of her collar bone. The dress was white with pink floral on it. Her long straight dark brown hair was in a braid which curved her almond shaped face. Damn, she was beautiful.

Was this the girl I wanted to sit on the living room floor with, read the news paper and drink coffee with? The same ritual my dads have? _My heart skips a beat._

I'm pretty sure it is.

Brian POV

Justin appeared in the room smiling and chatting with willow, which they both were a sight for sore eyes, especially tonight. They were laughing and talking as if they were the best friends in the world.

"Hey everyone, Willow's here." Justin smiled

"We have eyes sunshine." Emmet said. "Why hello darling aren't you beautiful."

"And you are as stunning as you are charming Emmet."

I laughed "He must not be too stunning then." Emmet thumped me as Deb got up from the table and rushed over to Willow. " Oh sweetness, I'm so glad you could make it, I'm so excited for everyone to get to know you like I've been." They talked for a while as my eyes smiled at hunters love stuck face. "You better get a towel for hunter, Ben, his mouth CANT stop drooling."

That got the attention of about the whole room and made hunter start blushing. Willow, was a strong as a rock though she just smiled and said "it's okay sweetie, I find you very attractive too. The glances are much appreciated. " bewilder stares came from every direction. She was one ballsy kid, not many people would make the previous statement their first impression, but fuck, it's one that will last. Not only that but I could already tell my comments, witty or not, didn't seem to faze her.

"You might have some baby making to worry about" I whispered in mikey's and Ben's directions. They chuckled and Deb said with a big ol' fat smile. "Let's get some fucking food, I'm starved."

Everyone was sitting down and willow took the empty seat next to me, giving me one of her special smiles.

"Well isn't it Al Pacino Jr, you know your both are so good at stealing money" I rolled my eyes at her and she gave a chuckle.

"Well isn't it Noploian Jr." She smirked at me "You know, you're both always over compensating for something with your heated attitude.

"Ha! Okay I'll give you that."

The others went on to ask willow an assortment of questions; everyone took interest in the new girl.

"So, Will, sweetness, what makes you so, what makes you so fucked up, as Deb says?" I spoke out.

"Well, I guess there is no small talk, nothing about the weather?" I just gave her a look.  
>"yeah, I didn't think so. My mom died, so I had to move here with my dad, my emotional abusive dad. When I say abusive I mean more in the way that he doesn't really speak to me, or notice me in any way. So I'm here, in Pittsburgh. It's not too bad it's just not something I talk about a lot. Not that I want to forget I just don't want to remember at the same time. I loved my mom; let's just leave it at that.<p>

There was such a long silence, as if we were waiting for someone to pull the switch on a death row victim. Not even I could come up with some Mordant reply to give her; it just wasn't the right time. We waited for some of the awkward sorrow and pity passed and then finally Ben spoke up

"So willow, tell us about yourself." Ben smiled at the girl, being the professor he loved to ask questions.

"Well that's a vague question, where do I start. I'm from Wilmington North Carolina by the beach. I love any type of art and want to go to Savannah College of art and design. I'm really into tattoo art and would love to start my own parlor. I've been a vegetarian for 4 years. I like…dancing." she nervously laugh.

" I heard of that college, it's pretty prestigious." Justin remarked.

"Yeah, it's a dream of mine." I smile. "Well I'm a pretty hopeful person; I try to stay positive as much as I can. I love to volunteer, with children or Pride marches. I go to hookah bars and coffee shops a lot with my friends, who have always been my life. I love horror movies, and anything with Neal Patrick Harris or that involves old western style fighting. I'm progressive Christian…um, well, I'm sorry if I'm not the most interesting person."

Ted spoke up, "Now let's get to the important questions." He paused for a second, "do you like pussy's or dick" everyone laughed, hard, but then waited for a response.

I pushed back my head "Oh god, please don't say we have another muncher in our mist?"

"I don't know brain, why don't you call my boyfriend and ask if I'm more into cunnilinigus or falashio?

"Jesus, finally a straight person in our mist." Emmet let out a laugh

"Hey! I'm straight!" Debbie yelled.

"Come one." Justin laughed, "Everyone knows you're secretly a gay man."

Debbie just slapped him on the head and everyone laughed.

"So what do you miss about the south?" Emmet asked.

"Oh my god, I really miss good sweet tea and soul food, along with the southern hospitality, and my hamster, tipsy" she laughed hard. "It's funny, I use to hate that town but now I miss it so much." She stopped for a second. "But this place is a brand new world, and I like change. I also kind of miss standing out, I feel like a blur here."

"I understand that feeling." Hunter spoke up; his bright eyes looked sad then hopeful. "It can feel like your falling behind sometimes in this town."

"Yeah." She gave an interested smile. "Thanks for understanding." After a second of staring at each other Justin broke the silence. "So, I see you have a tattoo on your collar bone. What does it say?

She gave an embarrassed smile, "Carmon's dad gave it to me, god I remember my mom freaking out. Me and Carmon had this song that we always listened to when we felt so small in the world. We would just sit in his truck and scream it out, _" I swim for brighter days despite to absence of sun." _That's what mine says, and he got one that said "_I'm not giving in, I swim." _We got them to remember that no matter what things would always be okay."

Emmet gave out a sniff "That. Is. So. Romantic!" he stressed every word.

"Ha! We always were quite the alternative Romeo and Juliet."

Hunter eyes were filled with disappointment, I leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Get over it kid, she's already giving someone a weekend willy." I patted him on the back hopping that in my own bad way I could make him feel better.

Justin, Ben, and Willow went on to talk about religion. They talked about how she thought it was a beautiful thing and that she didn't understand why people blamed their own fucked up hypocrisy on religion, that it didn't start wars but people did. This conversation seemed to go on for 30 minutes then Willow started telling stories about the time she put baloney all over a homophobic teacher's roof and car Justin and she were giggling like girls, "you didn't? I can't believe that, I once told a homophobic teacher to fuck off."

"That's hardcore, I could never do that. I didn't know blonde hade such big balls." Sunshine had seem to take to the young girl, ever since that night in the diner he talked about her in almost a prideful way, the way Ben and Michael talk about Hunter.

Her and Emmet talked over the Bible belt, or the south. They clicked a lot in that way. They both started stories off with "my momma use to say."

I decided stepped outside of a cigarette break. Even if I was actually having a great time.

I stood outside when I heard the door open and shut beside me. "Got a light?" Willows soft voice came from behind me.

"Ha, so the saint smokes?"

"Every saint has that interterm oil between saint and sinner." She spoke as I light her cigarette.

We stood in silence for a second when I couldn't help but say "I'm sorry about your mom."

"Ha, no you're not, but thanks for saying it."

"I really am, I may be an ass but that doesn't mean I can't understand how losing someone you love can hurt, I understand that a lot actually."

"You really should work on that ass-Dum thing, Bri."

I laughed, she laughed too "My therapist says it's a deep rooted problem that could only be fixed with harsh shock treatment."

"You go to therapy?" she asked in a "no way" tone.

"Fuck that shit, only unhappy married couples and crazies go there."

She smiled, "It can help you know, it helped me a lot." We both took a puff of our cigarettes.

"Then I guess you're crazy." I gave a smile and pushed my tong in the side of my mouth

"Ha! Thanks, I'll try to take that as a complement."

"You do seem pretty "okay" with your mom's death."

Without a second of thought she replied "Don't get me wrong, I didn't walk around being Edgar Allen Poe about it, I didn't really have a chose. My mom taught me to never give up, so I spend every day trying to do what she would want me to do. That's moving on with my life." She ran out of breath, and tears filled her eyes but she sucked them up. It was obvious she had wanted to explain that to someone, if even to herself.

"How noble, you're smart, you know for a 16 year old." I put an arm around her shoulder and gave her a slight hug then stepped away. I felt this extreme erg to make her feel better, almost a similar feeling I have around Gus; A feeling of certain protection towards the young girl almost as if she was my own. She was so young and everything was already so fucked up in her life. But then I shook it off. Brian fucking Kinney was not getting evolved in some kid's life, not the same way Michael and Ben got evolved in hunters.

She put out her cigarette, walked over and hugged me, "Yeah, you're not too bad yourself…and, thank you" She smiled the stood beside me. I couldn't help but smile back.

**A/N: Songs being referenced too:**

**While willow is walking Is **_**Ryan adam's – come pick me up**_

**The lyrics tattooed on willow is **_**jacks mannequin's – swim**_

_**Please review!(:**_


	7. All my life i waited this is true

**A/N: Bonjour loyal readers, I'm sorry for the late update I've been busy volunteering with Wilmington pride. (we do have to take care of our own, right? ) so in this chapter there is high sexual content, just a warning. There is also references to pop culture such as Doctor horrible sing along blog and im sorry if you don't understand them :P thank you so much for reading it means the world! Please please please review.**

"You want it, don't you?" Brian smirked while grasping my cock and firmly moving his hand up and down.

"Oh…bri. ..brian..fuck me." My toes curled and I moaned.

"Well if you want it I guess it be rude not to oblige." More smiles.

Brian kissed down my stomach to my rib cage then moved his tong around the head of my penis. His mouth then enveloped it bobbing up in down while sucking on the head and bringing his tong all around my shaft. His hand rested on my cock tightly giving it an even bigger sensation.

"Fuck, brain, UH." I couldn't help but moan so loud. He gave great head I must say. I grabbed the mans chestnut hair and pulled his lips to mine. He started to kiss my neck. "Fuck…Me." He grinned "You don't have to tell me twice."

He flipped me over and began rimming me taking his tong from the sole of my back into the curvatures of my ass. He made sure to take his time to make sure I got maximum pleasure.

"God." I whimpered barely making a comprehensible sound through the pure orgasmic pleasure of it all. He then began to kiss me in the same area then put his lubed fingers in the area to relax my anus, it was pleasurable. Brian grinded up my back resting his cock in between my ass, I could barely stand it. He whispered in my ear sensually, "Turn over sunshine; I want to look in your eyes when you cum. I smiled and did as he said.

My legs wrapped around his back but then he lifted them to his shoulders while rubbing the soles, I giggled.

"What?" he said.

"It tickles." I smiled

He scoffed. "Good to know I can still make you laugh."

I laughed "Shut up and fuck me." With a grin he obliged. Then his cock went inside of me as he slowly made thrusting inward and outward movements. As I moaned he began to go faster while slowly rubbing the rest of my body with his finger tips. "God I do love your finger, bri" He smiled while he continued to thrust. He kept going further and further and I could feel him deeper than ever before, even though we had sex A LOT since we reunited(we had to make up for lost time) the pleasure seemed to increase each time we fu…made love.

"Fuck…brian…uh..i..loveyou..harder." His hazel eyes were fixed on mine and the intense pleasure could be seen past the green specks in his eyes, Dame he was beautiful. I could feel it coming, no pun intended. With a complete shiver I cumed and let out a loud moan but he kept going and a tingle ran through my whole body. Brian fought to keep his eyes attached to mine as he orgasmed. Then his pleasurable eyes shut and he fell on me with a thud. Both out of breath, both very happy.

"That was hot." I ran my hand through his hair.

"Want to go again?" He laughed

"At your age you should be careful, you don't want to break a hip."

"I'm still young enough to fuck you in every potion and on every surface." He rolled over beside me and wrapped his arms around me pulling me in a tight embrace. Then gave me one of his world class "tong in the cheek smiles"

"You have endurance and creativity mister Kinney." We laughed.

"Last time I checked creativity wasn't something this relationship was lacking, in back alleys, on roof tops, upside down."

"Don't forget that time in the park."

"Fuck the look on those kids face, I thought their balls would drop right there." We both were consumed with laughter and continued to talk about past shenanigans and possible new ones.

"I have to get dresses." I motioned to get up.

"Why? I was hoping to just stay in bed with my trophy wife." He chuckled.

I smiled wryly. "Am I just a tight ass to you bri?"

"No…you can also cook really go-" Before he could finish I got on top of him and began to tickle him. "Get off twat" he yelled through profuse laughter.

"Not in till you take it back." I said laughing just as hard tickling him all over.

He grabbed my wrist he smirked. "Never!" he rolled me over and lied on top of my and gave me a deep kiss, my wrist still bound by his hands.

He stopped and looked in my eyes deeply, then spoke. "By the way, referring to what you moaned in your oh so amazing climax that only Brian Kinney could give, I love you too, more than anything." He stroked my hair behind my ear.

"I know." I kissed him softly. "how couldn't you, I'm so damn lovable."

He rolled his eyes, " little vain fucker."

I smiled while our fingers danced in each other's palms. "The reason I have to get dressed is because Willow is coming over in an hour and a half, were going to work on her art, talk, and just hang out."

"You really have seemed to take to the kid."

"She's really funny, and creative. And she's also super intelligent and witty. She reminds me a lot of myself." I gave a big cocky smile.

Brian just rolled his eyes, "yeah, I like her too. She might just end up like an extra limb to the group. She'll become attached and we won't be able to get rid of her unless we saw her off. Also, .YOU."

I thumped him hard but he didn't even flinched just smiled, "Please Brian, If I'm a limb it's your leg, I help you stay steady." Brian nodded and licked his lip. "And you never know, she may be a vital limb too."

It was silent for a second then Brian said, "So we have an hour and a half?"

"Yep." I said rising my eye brow.

"That gives us just enough time." He ran his fingers up my leg seductively.

"Too do what, exactly?"

"Watch doctor horrible sing along of course! Jesus what else would I have been talking about? I hope I haven't corrupted you that much." He smiled big and so did I. We got dressed then Brian took my hand and lead my too the couch like an exited 5 year old in Disney land. He loved the movie ever since I showed it to him, he loved the fact the main character was evil yet good at the same time. It was quite a sight to see. God, the things other people don't know about Brian that I do are some of the best, silliest, romantic parts of him. I'm so glad he finally lets me see him fully.

**Willows POV**

I stood in front of a big metal door slightly fearing for my life, the neighborhood was a little more than sketchy. I knocked on the door hopping I could get in before I ended up on the 6 O'clock news. There was no answer so I pulled on the door and it was open so I dared to walk right in out of slight fear. The sight I saw was shocking. My bewilder stares were set on Brian and Justin serenading each other on their knees, It would have been less shocking to see them fucking.

Justin started singing

**Laundry day**

**See you there**

**Under things**

**Tumbling**

**Wanna say**

**Love your hair**

Then Brian started singing back

**Here I go**

**Mumbling**

**With my freeze ray I will stop the world**

**With my freeze ray I will **

**find the time to find the words to**

**Tell you how**

**How you make**

**Make me feel**

**What's the phrase?**

I couldn't help but smile and yell out "I love this movie!"

"Fuck! How long have you been here?" Brian yelled and Justin fell on his back and started to laugh.

"Long enough to see you mimic the words, **I**'m doctor horrible! I have a PHD in horribleness.**"**

That made Justin laugh harder while Brian walked over to me. "Don't you dare tell a-"

"Anyone! I got it." I interrupted with a smile laying my bag down on the floor.

Brian rolled his eyes, "Thanks kid." He patted my head like I was a puppy.

"No problem, so Justin, are you ready to work?" He got up from the floor and nodded with a smile, it was a small loft so there wasn't much room but we could make due. Brian went off to the diner to pick up food leaving us alone to work.

He started to show me his work, he was working on a new series of painting. His was painting of his friends from birth through old age in varies ways with abstract element within and dark bold colors that gave the painting sex appeal, especially the ones of Brian. Then he told me to pick up a brush and help him with one of the unfinished Brian paintings.

"No way! Are you crazy? You're a famous artist and I'm just a dabbling 16 year old, I could ruin your hard work."

"Sweetness, 80% of being an artist is passion, which you're not lacking in that department, and as for talent…you have A lot more of that than you think, now stop with the pity pick up a paintbrush and get to work."

I couldn't help but give a big cheesy grin as I stroked the paint brush across the canvas.

"So you know I've been DYING to know about you and Brian…he's quite a looker I must say." I licked my lips "you too make quite a handsome couple, but its crystal clear there are a lot of skeletons stuffed in-between the Prada suits In your closet."

He gave a small smile. "Perceptive little girl, he loves me and I love him but it took us a long time to get here, very long. No one thought we would make it but everyone wished we would, well besides the occasional Michael but that's done and over with. You're going out with Emmet for lunch tomorrow right? I'm sure he'll tell you all about it. He loves to talk." Justin gave me a sunshine smile and I returned with my sweetness smile.

"Ah! Well I can tell he loves you."

"How?"

I stopped for a second, almost as if for dramatic effect. "Rhinestones and organza's."

Justin gave me a "what?" look so I continued to explain "My grand mom had a hat she would wear in the garden, it had to be the most tackiest thing I've ever seen, well besides crock shoes and Velcro, but anyway, it was made of fake rhinestones and organza's. When grand mom died, my mom kept it for memory sack. Her girlfriend, life partner, was the only person other than me she'd let she her in the hat. That's how I know he loves you; He opens up a side of himself to you that he'd rather sell his left ball than show to anyone else, that is love. Well one many definitions of love, it comes in many different ways for different people."

He just smiled, he couldn't really argue with that notion. "So what about you, let's talk about your man."

"Just imagine James dean and Hemingway. Devishly handsome, narcotic, brave, loving, fearless, and fuck he's so intelligent. We use to just talk, about things people never really talk about, we challenged each other. I never really believed in the other half bull shit, but if I did you could say it was him." My voice dropped and sadness came over my eyes "We haven't talked for a week, I think he's forgetting me, and things are so horribly unfair at hom-, never mind." I shook my head and tried to smile. "No need to cry over spilled milk"

Justin lifted my chin and smiled, "If he's forgetting you than he's crazy, you're a beautiful young lady and you don't deserve someone whose not willing to try, So I say pick yourself up dust yourself clean and hell, maybe even find a new boy toy to get your mind off of things."

My smile radiated with happiness "I have been dying for some good head lately."

Justin gasped and laughed at the same time. Then proceeded to give me the "gay version" of the sex talk, condoms, lube, sex is great and fun but only to an extent and it's the best when your in love. It was nice to know someone cared enough to have that talk. My mom didn't even venture into that Rome; she said it was much too scary. Then somewhere between the sex talks and giggles we ended up having a paint fight. We were covered with bright red and yellow pigments. Thank god there was a tarp down or we might have gotten paint all over Brian's hard wood floor. After are paint war Justin showed me some of his other work, there were a lot of paintings and sketches of children. One which was Brian's son, Gus. The others were an assortment of kids of many ages.

"You seem to have kids on the brain, are you and Brian thinking of having any?"

"Have you met the man, he says and I quote "I won't be a hetero breeder rocking babies on the front porch."

I laughed. "God that's harsh, what about you, do you want to pop one out of the oven, or you know, a third world country, whichever one comes easier?" I smiled and so did he.

"I don't know, I mean, of course. But I'm so young still. Having kids in your early 20's might not be the best idea, I mean maybe it is, but Brian..He would never."

"Sunshine, it's all relative, don't go by what taboo to society or not, if you think you want a kid maybe you should talk to Brian, have faith, he may surprise you."

At that Brian moved through the door and justin and I couldn't contain our laughs at the astonished look on his face.

"When I left there was an adult and a young adult here, now I get back and there are two five year olds." Brians words would have been a little upsetting if there wasn't a hint of amusement in his voice and if I couldn't read him as well as I could.

"Relax mister money bags, there no paint on anything. I'm willing to put my hand on a stack of out magazines, we were careful." My smile made his defensive stature go down.

"You two do look fucking funny." He couldn't help but laugh.

Justin then brushed his left thumb across Brian's cheek with a smile. "Now you do too."

Brian just rolled his eyes and said "You fucking artist types, always making a mess everywhere." He pulled Justin in and kissed him deeply not carrying that Justin's lips contained slight pieces of dried up yellow paint.

"Why don't you stay for dinner, will?" Brian said still holding Justin. I liked the fact that Brian calls me will, the fact makes me smile because no one else has really thought to call me that. I was still smiling as look in the bag Brian brought home from the diner, two sandwiches and an assortment of lemon bars. "Of course I will, but if im staying im cooking you guys a real southern home cooked meal."

Justin started towards the kitchen, "and I'll help!" I was about to follow him when Brian grabbed me by the shoulder.

"I need a favor."

"I already told you I wouldn't compare you to anymore European leaders." I chuckled about to walk away.

"No! Not that, Debbie told me you were a really good singer."

"Well" I said dusting imaginary dust of my shoulder and giving him a cocky smile "I'm not too shabby."

"Good, because I want you to sing tomorrow night."

"For…what?"

"I'll give you the details later but let's just say I'm trying to give Justin a night he'll never forget."

I raised my eyebrows but couldn't help but want to be a part of this Jane Austin romance, "I'm in as long as I don't have to sing _what I did for love_!"

We bumped fist, which I taught Brian how to do without looking like a desperate middle age man then his rubbed my back and pushed me towards the kitchen, I looked back to him only to see him mouthing the words, thank you.

**A/N: so you can probably tell that I'm about to write the chapter about B/j arrangement for what their relationship is going to be about and I hope to do it justice. **

**Also, some people asked who willow is based off. She is based off multiple friends of mine and I've also added in a few traits of the other characters in her. Her back story or life is based on my life and certain things I pull from me but mostly from others.**


	8. marry me

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading; I hope I did this justice. Please read and review, love you guys!**

**Justin's POV**

Have you ever had that eerie feeling that there was something everyone else knew that you didn't? or a feeling that people were talking about you behind your back or planning something? Well the last week of my life has been filled with the chilling fear that the love ones in my life are up to some covert mission. I would walk into the diner and eyes would rather look upon me with shock or make their way down to their corresponding plates, all in the dead of silence. It's also happened individual times with Brian and Michael, Ted and Deb, Emmet and Michael, Fuck even Willow and Brian just this morning. I asked what the fuck was going on and Brian simply replied in his own narcissistic way, "Don't be such a paranoid queen, every things fine."

So I listened but didn't forget, I knew something was up because what Brian knows deep down is that I'm very smart but I figured that whatever was going on Brain was trying his very hardiest to keep it away from me and I should honor that, so I stopped digging.

Around noon I got a text from Brian, Be dressed in your best attire I'm taking you out to dinner tonight at a very nice restaurant, 8:00. At first I had a fit of happiness but then I thought to myself, is this the big surprise every ones been so cryptic about, the thing that's almost given me panic attacks? There's no way, at the thought I felt a sense of melancholy rush over me but then I pushed it away with a smile and began to prepare for tonight.

**Hunters POV**

I watched her intensely as she moved her curvy body in a fast upbeat motion around the diner. The way she swayed with plates of food in her hands was almost like a dance. It was beautiful. She was humming at mild sound giving a nice rhythm to the establishment. I watched her as if it was a game, I didn't mean it in any way to be to be creepy or stakish I just liked the idea of staring up at her wondering if she would ever notice. I loved the way her bright brown eyes would stare up at people beneath her flowing bangs. God, this girl melted me with every movement and she didn't even notice.

**Brian's POV**

"Justin! Are you ready yet? Get your tight ass out here, were running late." I yelled from the living room.

He came out of the bed room while buttoning up his sleeves. "How can we be late to a restaurant."

"We have reservations." I said with my back still turned to him "So le-" I turned around to see Justin standing there. He was wearing the same suit he had for our weeding, his blond hair slightly hung across his bright blue eyes. I couldn't help but stare, I got lost in the amusement of it all.

He looked up at me. "What are you looking at; do I have something in my teeth?"

I chuckled, he looked so youthful but yet so handsome. He was still skinny but yet so filled, a fuller chest , bigger pecks, a stronger jaw. God he was beautiful. "No, it's just…your stunning." I never thought of myself calling any man beautiful or stunning; Sexy, hot, yes but never stunning. Stunning meant a whole other thing than hot, It wasn't anything sexual but at the same time it was. It was everything that our relationship was and wasn't and I meant it.

His smiled radiated, he kissed me softly and whispered in my ear "I thought that was my line, you've always been beautiful." I could have kissed him in till time stood still right then and there, but time was of the essence and I couldn't let myself get to romantic. I was filled with bubbly excitement, it took me back to the first time he was standing in front of me in my apartment, oh how things have changed. I can't lie though, even though I could not say that night I was in love with him, because I wasn't, I knew it was something different though. I had never felt what I felt with anyone else that first time I had sex with Justin. I didn't know exactly what it was but it was something inside of me that made me want to protect and love him.

With an arm around him, I pushed him towards the door. "Now my damsel in distress, off to our carriage as we ride out into the night."

He chuckled, "yes my knight in shining tin foil."

**Justin's POV**

The ride was filled with giggles and sexual implications. The ride seemed to last forever in the back of that limo, and I wouldn't have minded if it had. We finally came to a stop I couldn't see out the window but I felt a familiarly about the surrounding. As I opened the door of the limo and stepped onto the damp cement I found my self looking up at the nostalgic symbol of my gay youth, Babylon. Before I could say anything Brian greeted me with slinging his arm around my shoulder. All I could do was stare up at Brian in bewilderment.

"Brian, I know we've been together for 8 years but Jesus Christ, romance can't be this dead."

He rolled his eyes, "Oh sunshine, ye of little faith."

He grabbed my hand and hand in hand we walked inside the seemingly vacant building. When we entered the thresh hold it was obvious that we were the only ones there. At that site my heart beat was erratic, I just knew what ever was going to happen would be the best night of my life. With a big chessey smile I looked up at Brian, "So what's the big mystery?"

At that I saw a figure move on stage and a spot light illuminate the spot stage. The figure was willow and she was followed by two men one with a guitar in hand and another one with drum sticks. I didn't say a word just looked around the room with a hint of confusion and happiness mixed. Brian's grip on me was tight and close, Willow just stood in front of a microphone with a smile and then spoke into it "Okay everyone I think it's time to come in. And like flood gates people were popping up everywhere, from behind the bar, upstairs, down stairs, the back door. I was in complete aw, the people flooded in standing up against the wall, leaving the rest of the floor open for me and Brian.

This was like some magical scene from a princess movie. Only instead of a princess and a prince we were two queens, two queens in love. It was no longer glitter and mirrors, it wasn't an illusion, it was real.

I came out of my daze when willows voice radiating throughout the room.

"Hello everyone, I want to welcome you to Brian…and Justin's weeding." Her smile was so big and I could feel tears build up in my eyes and my heart beat was even faster. "This isn't a traditional weeding as most can tell, no preachers, no churches, just them and their love….Brian asked me to sing a song I felt would embody how he feels towards Justin while not making him look like a" She made air quotes "Heterosexual wannabe ass whole. So, Justin..this songs for you."

The room filled with people began to cheer, every one I've ever met was there and then some. My whole family was there too even molly and tucker, even Lindsey and mel with the kids!

The music started to play and Brian out reached his hand, "May I have this dance mister Justin Taylor Hyphen Kenny…That is if you accept, come on you cant leave me at the dance floor in front of our friends."

I just smiled like a lost school girl. "Of course I accept, as long as when were married you'll still…blow me ." He grabbed me at that and we started dancing. He whispered in my ear, "I know what you're thinking, this is what I want, this isn't a sacrifice, I love and only want you."

"I know that now." Then willow started singing out the words to the song. 

_**All of these lines across my face  
>Tell you the story of who I am<br>So many stories of where I've been  
>And how I got to where I am<br>But these stories don't mean anything  
>When you've got no one to tell them to<br>It's true...I was made for you  
><strong>_

The words fit perfect I thought as we danced throughout the room together in perfect motion in front of out friends. God I love this man and I'm so glad we got here._**  
><strong>_

**Brian's POV**

_**I **__**climbed across the mountain tops  
>Swam all across the ocean blue<br>I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules  
>But baby I broke them all for you<br>Because even when I was flat broke  
>You made me feel like a million bucks<br>You do  
>I was made for you<br>**_  
>I did break all the rules for Justin. If you had of looked at me 8 years ago you would have sworn I would be dead by the age of 40. Justin saved me from a life of unhappiness, he help saved me from prolonged suicide. That persistent, smart, talented, funny, wonderful, stunning, twat of a man got in under the wire and helped me want this. It wasn't all him but for the most part it was and now we stood in front of our family and friends and I was no longer scared to be this person, well I was a little, I was still me for Christ sakes but this wasn't about the insecurities I felt but about what I felt for Justin.<p>

_**You see the smile that's on my mouth  
>It's hiding the words that don't come out<br>And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed  
>They don't know my head is a mess<br>No, they don't know who I really am  
>And they don't know what<br>I've been through like you do  
>And I was made for you...<br>All of these lines across my face  
>Tell you the story of who I am<br>So many stories of where I've been  
>And how I got to where I am<br>But these stories don't mean anything  
>When you've got no one to tell them to<br>It's true...I was made for you**_

As the last of the words belted from Willows stunning voice the clapped rang from the crowd and Justin was luminous as we stopped dancing and he stood there absorbing the situation at hand. The song really embodied how I felt for him perfectly. I kissed Justin deeply and then made my way on stage, hugged willow and took the microphone.

My eyes were looking at Justin, just Justin.

"I think everyone in the room knows my reputation and I definitely never had any trouble upholding it. I was a P&P gay boy, party and play. I've never turned down a trick, or a drug that was who I was. So when I stand up here to tell you that The holly Brian Kinney is in love with that beautiful young man right there you may scuff but I'm still Me, a fag to the core and what I say I mean. Justin, I don't want anyone else but I can't promise I won't mess up, because I probably will but here is what I can promise you." I walk over to teary eyed Justin take a velveteen box out of my pocket and place a golden ring on Justin's finger. "I Brian Kinney promise to love you every day, get into fights and make up in every potion possible, never under estimate you and always treat you like an equal. I promise to never push you away and try to be as faithful as I can, because trust me I want too." I actually felt tears running down my cheek at this point. "So to all you desperate love sick queens out there who want me…which I know is half the room… I'm taken so don't even try." Justin smiled and so did the room. " So, in sickness and in health till death do us part, I'm yours.

Justin stood there with bright blue eyes filled with gleaming water, it was like a wave crashing on me. His looked penetrated me and I could feel my heart slightly stop finally he grabbed my hand and said "No regrets.."

"No apologies." I finished with a smile.

Then a smile crawled on his face, "we'll fight you know?"

"Yeah we will, about what to have for dinner, when its okay for your mom to come over, you making a fucking mess."

"You being an ass whole, or spending too much time at work."

"But it'll be okay."

With that he took my hand and he turned to the crowd that had basically been invisible to us, "Thank you for coming to our weeding, this time everything will be working out, so no one has to return their water buffalo's."

The crowd clapped, we were given presents and fawned by our family and friends.

Justin gave me certain body symbols and I knew he wanted out of here. "Are you as ready to leave as much as I am?" I said wrapping my arms around him.

"God yes!"

"Then let's get out of here."

"We can do that?"

"It's our party and we can leave if we want to, we can leave if we want to." He smiled, kissed me then we headed towards the door.

**AN: thank you times a thousand for reading this, love you guys. I hope you enjoyed and I can't wait for the next chapter. The song that was sung was the story by Brandi carlile. Please please please review. ((: also any plot suggestions would help.**


	9. come pick me up, take me out fuck me up

**A/N: I'm looking for a beta, someone who can help with grammar and spelling errors, along with plot line. Thank you so much to those of you who are reading, it means the world. There were very few reviews on the last one which was disappointing :/ so it be nice to get a few more this time. Thank you for your time, much love! (: **

**Ps: I'm also sorry if this chapter is TOO long, it's about 3,700 words. But better long than short I say.**

**Justin's pov**

It was midnight and the dark street smelt of damp cement and nostalgia. We were dancing on our way back to the limo under the full moon and I couldn't help but stare at the way it light up Brian's face against the looming shadow of the night.

"Where to now mister Brian Taylor- Kinney." I spoke with a smirk.

He smiled. "We'll fight you know, about what take out to order, about when your mom and Deb are allowed to come over."

"About what to paint the kitchen, to get a dog or a child." I continued.

" We'll fight over how messy you can be." He spoke while pulling me in closer. "But all of that's okay because things are different and will work out of the best. Because…I love you.

"We'll we our quite legendary, I know we'll make it the distances. So are we off to the loft? You can even carry me through the door and we can sanction our marriage on the bed..on the counter..on the floor." Brian laughed then reached in his pocket. "Or", he replied pulling out a key and daggling it in front of me, we could go to our new **home**."

At first I was at a loss for words, did Brian buy a new house? Then I remembered and without a word I just kissed him and shook my head Yes, We were off the Britain.

**Willows pov**

The first time my dad hit me was a blur now, and it only happened two weeks ago. His shoves and smacks didn't even add up to the pain of his remarkable mistreatment, distain, hate, and rage filled yells. I cried a lot of nights in my room, locking the door closing my eyes and pretending my mom's arms were wrapped around me. The first time I was doing the dishes when he yelled for me to get him a beer out of the fridge. I grabbed a blue moon, twisted the top off and walked it to the couch. Instead of gracefully handing in to him I tripped over the rug and the beer spilt all over his lap. Without a seconds thought he got up and pushed me into a chair then I fell onto the floor. "You stupid bitch." He screamed "Go clean this up." I did just what he said with a vacant look in my eyes. Sarah had watched the whole thing from the chair on the other side of the room, but her eyes never even left her book. I had a huge bruise on my back from my back being thrown onto the hard wooden chair. After that it was like a drug he had to have, He started pushing my into walls, grabbing almost breaking my arm a few times, and even slapping me square on the face. I love you too dad. A small part of my just wanted him to tell me he loved me because right now I didn't have anyone to lean on. When he was not hitting me we pretended everything was okay, almost like a portrait of a fucked up family.

I had not told Carmon what was going on but I had planned to, tonight.

We talked on the phone about small insignificant things for a few minutes then the conversation turned to a more serious tone.

"Willow, I'm sorry I haven't called you lately."

"Oh, its okay I understand. I've been busy too, Work, painting, movie marathons..you know the wor-"

"And I want you to know that what I've done was never planned because I love you so much."

"Carmon, what are you talking about? You're making me nervous as hell."

" _It's okay baby, I don't blame you, I do the same thing I get lonely too."_

"Now **You're **talking in lyrics, god there has to be something wrong."

"I remember you told me that's one of your favorite songs, and I'm hopping that's what you'll say to me when I tell you what happened.."

I didn't say anything for a moment. "Fuck." I spoke softly. "You cheated on me."

"Willow I-"

"Before you try to deny it, I've seen enough romantic Dramas and read enough Silvia Plath to know what cheating looks, sounds, and smells like."

"Let me-"

"Do you remember that time we went to that drive in movie, you drove 240 miles just to go see it because you know how much I love drive ins. God, how could that man be this man. I've only been gone 3 weeks, you couldn't keep it in your God damn pants for 3 fucking weeks?"

"Baby, calm down, I know how easily you get panic attacks."

"Don't tell me to calm down! So how did it happen, who did it happen with? _There's a pretty young thing in front of you and she's really pretty and she's real into you, then she's sleeping in side of you. _Is that how it happened? Tell me Carmon!"

"I had gotten early admission to Georgia tech, so I wouldn't have to complete my senior year but be a college freshman early. I really want to tell you but I kept thinking, I'm never going to see her again. The thought of that really killed me because I never imagined myself with anyone else but you. Looking at you and knowing you were the one was the easiest thing in the world for me but then you left and I knew that you would go to art college and make a big success of yourself and I wouldn't. I thought if I separate myself from you it make the blow easier for both of us. Maggie was there to comfort me and talking lead to another thing and then she ended up comforting me in more than one way. I can't explain enough how sorry I am, I don't love her at all if that's what you're thinking, she'll never mean anything to me the way you do. I just can't continue with this relationship"

"Are we in some Meg Ryan movie, I mean sleeping with my best friend? How horribly unoriginally for someone of your stature, baby." After a second of thinking I finally said in a completely mellow tone, "You're full of shit Carmon. If you loved me you would have done anything to be with me, no excuses. The thing is you didn't want to try ,not because you didn't want to be hurt but because you want to be with other people, try new things, and cut that ball and chain that's been on your leg the last 3 and half years, which is fine but at least do me the honor of being honest with me. So you can take your excuse and pity and give them to someone who cares enough to listen. I will oblige to your wanting to break up, my pleasure. Tell Maggie she will be getting a pink slip for our friendship too. Bye Carmon."

And with that I hung up the phone, without even a fight I let the love of my life go.

Later that day I was working at the diner and as hard as I tried to hide my tears, which after the break up kicked in wouldn't stop flowing, I couldn't. Deb saw my red puffy cheeks and eyes and insisted I go home which was the last thing I wanted to do, but I couldn't tell her why. Justin and Brain who were at the diner insisted I go with them when I refused to go home. I didn't even notice that the tears had made my foundation run which was hiding a bruise given to me by my lovely father. No one seemed to notice except Justin, which is probably why he was so persistent I go home with him and Brian. I finally caved to their demands and followed them back to the loft. When we got their Brian went to take a quick shower and I was left there with Justin.

"Come here" he said motioning to the canvas and array of paints and brushes on the work desk, "this will make you feel much better."

The loft was so beautiful that I kind of just wanted to sit there and stare around the room, even though half of it was boxed. Justin looked up at me, "Well, come on, before the paint dries."

I obliged walking over with me arms crossed tightly around my chest.

"You don't have to put your guard up over here, your around people who love you willow. What's ever is going on it doesn't matter here."

I smiled and began to work, slowly but tears still seemed to find their way down my face.

"So sweetness, are you going to tell Uncle Justin what's going on?" I giggled.

"See there's a smile, now really tell my what's wrong

"I don't want to seem all angsty teenager-poet like, that's not me. I much rather paint about it than talk about it."

"What an artist." He smirked. "Willow, you need talk about it, it's the only was your going to feel better.

"Fine." I took a deep breath. "Carmon, cheated on me with my …best friend, then broke up with me, then lied about why he did it. I basically had no chose but to tell the love of my life, fuck you.

Justin stood back and as if to be absorbing the information at hand.

"I should have know to never date a bad boy." I smirked

"Willow, the love of your life? Really? Your life has barely started."

"Don't be a hypocrite, you were 17 when you fell in love with Brian."

"I know, but I was stupid."

I looked at him confused the he went on to explain. "Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade were I'm at with Brian for the world, I love him so much. But the thing is if all those years ago I had of not chased after Brian it would saved a lot of pain and if I had of walked away I would have been okay I would found someone to love just as much, because in life that's what we do. We move on. Now, I don't regret it because it changed my life so much but a big part of that didn't have anything to do with Brian but me. I and he needed time apart to figure out who were without each other, everything that happened to me happened for a reason. And if one thing had have happened differently then I wouldn't be the same person I am today. What I'm saying, he's not worth or good enough for you in anyway. This pain your feeling is for a reason and as much as you think he's the love of your life there is one person out there that is looking for you and just for you just like you're looking for them. And I promise their coming as fast as they can. So live your life to the fullest sweetness because this happened for a reason there will be something beyond him, much better than you could ever imagine." His tangent wasn't well thought out but off the top of his head, which was probably why it was so passionate and well said.

"You really know how to give a speech." I said teary eyed while wrapping his arms around him. "And your right, I'm not going to worry about the things that went wrong, when there's so much that can go right."

"I'm just proud of you for doing the right things, it must have been hard. Why don't you come with us to a celebration were having for hunter success at school tonight. It's at a club; it's for people about your age to 25. A lot of cute guys will be there, one of them being hunter."

"Ha! Yours so discrete, Justin."

"So, does that mean you'll come?"

"of course, how could I say no?"

"Willow, are you sure there's nothing else you want to tell me?" He was looking intensely at my bruise which could still been seen.

"No, not at all." I denied.

At that Brian made his way out of the bathroom with just some jeans on. "So kiddies" He said standing in between us, swinging his arms around both of us, "What's exactly going on?"

"Um, Brian," Justin said, "can I see you in the bed room?"

"Justin, don't you think it's a little inappropriate to do that while sweetness is here?"

Justin thumped him and Brain screeched "Ow."

"Not that it's something else."

So they both went to the bedroom leaving me there slightly confused.

**Brian's POV**

"what's going on? Is everything okay with willow, why was she crying? The concern in my voice had me slightly surprised but it didn't seem to surprise Justin, he just smiled then went back to a serious look.

"What she told me will only hurt her emotionally, which is something that is bad and will need help getting over but what I think is going on will need more help than words can offer."

"What's that?"

Justin sighed and walked over to the bed with the bridged of his nose pressed up against his hands. I sat beside him and rubbed my hand on his thigh. "Now I know how my mom felt, always worrying about me. Willows like my own kid; I love her like a parent would love their kid." That worried me a bit. What I loved about Justin was his honesty; He was the most honest person I knew almost to a point of brutality. That's why it was so easy for him to say how much he cared for this kid but for me, it wouldn't be so easy. I knew the way Justin felt I could feel and sympathize those feeling also, but I just can't actively act on them. My life couldn't be bared down with a burden of a kid in any way. He finally spoke "I think her dad's hitting her."

And like that there was silence, the words hung in the air for a moment making the air awkward and dense. "What makes you make such a huge assumption?"

"Well, I don't know, how about a huge bruise on her face. The fact she's been so defensive around everyone. When I patted her on the back softly last week she cringed in pain which leads me to believe bruises on her back. Is that enough to make a huge assumption?"

"Justin, calm down I'm not saying you're wrong I'm just saying we can't go around blaming people for child abusive."

"Well what should we do?"

"We could talk to Melanie; see if we can get her emancipated."

"No! She's just a baby; she can't live by herself with a dead end job and no were to go."

"Then what do you suggest we do?"

"She lives with us; we can adopt her, like how Ben and Michael adopted Hunter."

I stood up in shock and looked at him in bewilderment. "Are you crazy? We can't adopt a kid."

"it's not like she's a five year old, why not?" His voice was on the precipices of yelling and not yelling.

"Because I'm not a fucking father Justin, I never will be." I said loud enough to make Justin shush me.

"Oh yeah, I forgot you don't do families, for a second I thought you changed your way of thinking. And aren't I suppose to be your equal? "

"I have and you are! It's just this isn't something you can decide on dime, it takes time. I'm not exactly thrilled of the idea of teen age angst and college tuition, fucking Christ I'm not some God damn family man Justin, you know that."

"So are we suppose to just do nothing?"

I walked over to him, "Of course not." I put my arms around his neck. "I'll go talk to her dad tomorrow, get the whole story then we'll go from there."

He rested his head against mine, "Thank you, Brian."

"She'll be staying with us tonight also." I said.

"I know you care about her too, even if you dare not show it."

"Yeah, I like the fact that you're so passionate about the people you care about and so head strong, even if you don't think the whole thing through."

He laughed, "I'll take that as a complement."

**Hunter POV**

The clubs name was Meta, it was filled with pretentious hipsters who talked about indie films and the newsiest bands. Unlike most clubs the gang went to it was closer to the college than Liberty Avenue. I really enjoyed it because it sold alcohol to minors, had really good music, and my friends always dragged me there.

Every one besides Deb, and Mel were there. The conversation was smooth and easy.

"To our wonderful son!" my dad, Ben, put his glass in the air "Who will go on to be great things."

"Hooray" everyone shouted.

"Brian Justin and Willow will be coming soon!" Michael said.

"I heard you had a little crush." Lindsey teased.

"Are you kidding me, I'm way too young to be tied down to a high school student."

Michael rolled his eyes, "Nice job trying to play it cool."

"I for one think it's a smart idea not to get all worked up over a girl who's already with some." Ben said

"Actually!" Michael said holding up a finger, "Justin texted me earlier and said they broke up early today, which means she's back on the market."

"Jesus" ted interrupted, you two are just planning their weeding already, you're like the two mothers who want their children to be together."

Is she really single, I wonder if she's okay, I hope she's not hurt. I tried to be all caviler "that's cool."

"Don't be a rebound kid there never fun." Ted said once again. At that Brian Justin and Willow walked up.

"Hey, guys." Justin walked up with a smile.

The gang all said their hellos too.

"It's hard to be faithful, if you bring me to a club filled with in the closet, desperate, college type." He said biting at Justin's ear.

"I never thought you had a problem with that type of guy before." Ted said motioning towards Justin.

Everyone laughed. My attention was on willow who was wearing a beautiful dress that flowed on her body. She was saying something to Lindsey then to my surprise she walked towards me. Oh shit.

"Hey hunter, thanks so much for inviting me."

"No problem." Was the words that left my mouth, the words in my head were, "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. She's talking to me."

"Your dads are all really nice."

"Yeah, I've grown to love them myself, as long as they don't eat my cereal or barge into my room." Did I really just say that?

"Oh, you live at home?"

"Yes, but I'm not a bum or anything we just thought it cost less to live off campus but I have a job and am moving out sometime next school year."

"That's cool." There was a few seconds of silence but then she said, "so do you like to dance?"

"I guess I'm fawned to it, why are you asking?"

"That was kind of my hint to you to ask me. Plus not many people are dancing, it be nice to spice things up." She blushed then I blushed.

I hadn't noticed before but our families were silent listing to our conversation, I looked over at my dads and that gave me enthusiastic smiles and Michael even gave thumbs up, on the other side Justin and even Brian were smiling too.

"Okay, let's dance." I took her hand more boldly than I had intended and she blushed once again and we were off to the dance floor.

I took her and we danced awkwardly to some song I haven't heard before.

"I love this song she smiled, it's okay to loosen up." the song grew in speed and she swayed her hips back in forth and every time I would mess up she smile and laugh really loud. I felt more comfortable as the song went on.

… "_As you stand under the bar lights and the band plays some song about forgetting yourself for a while and the pianos this melancholy sound check to her smile…_

The song very much reminded me of her, which made me loosen up. I would spin her out then back in to me and she would laugh then I would laugh, don't let yourself fall in love, this girl could obviously break hearts. But in a way it was obviously too late. We danced to big motions with my hand holding hers up in the air beside us, I even did this thing where I lifted her up in the air a bit and spun her around.

She whispered in my ear, "Aren't you mister smooth."

Towards the end of the song I just held her close, our faces closes enough to touch.

…_. "And you just have to see her and you know that she'll break you in two"_

The song ended but I was still holding her close for a few moments then she unlocked herself from my arms, "Thanks for the dance." She said then walked back over to the group.

Once I realized the feeling I had for this girl bubbling up there was only one thing left to say, "Oh shit."

**A/n: The songs playing are **

**Rilo Kiley- portions of foxes- the break up**

**Air born toxic event- somewhere around midnight-the dancing **

**I always try to have songs in each chapter, it's just something I like(:**


	10. on the ground

**AN: Okay guys, I'm super sorry for the long wait I just got super busy with my birthday, being sick, and family. This chapter has some graphic parts that deal with abuse. This chapter had to be written to move things along but it wasn't my favorite to write, but I still worked hard. I hope you enjoy it. Please read and review!(:**

I couldn't believe I was standing in a suburban upper middle class neighborhood to talk to a teenagers parents….again. The last time I did this was with Justin, and where did that get me, a 17 year old twink living with me. Justin moving in with me ended up being one of the best things that could happen to me but the way it happened could have gone more smoothly to say the least. So as I stand in my Prada jeans and white t-shirt In the blazing sun I can't help but think I'm out of my fucking mind. I much rather shoot myself than sit here and have a conversation with some backwoods bigoted possible child abuser. But I knew if I didn't do it some ass hole would get away with emotional and physically hurting willow and even if I didn't want her to be my little pride and joy I couldn't live with myself if I didn't even try to help.

I went up to the brown wooden door and knocked, a young girl came to the door.

"I'm assuming your Sarah?"

"Yeah, what's it to you?"

"Well, I see you didn't inherit the good taste and common manners your sister has."

She looked hurt by that statement and fuck, it secretly felt so good to see that smirk melt off that "well to do rich girl's" face.

"Actually there's no relation, she's me step sister." She shot back "So, I'm assuming you're here to see me dad?"

"Actually, I'm here to pass out Girl Scout cookies." I smiled sarcastically for a second then recanted my previous statement with, "Of course I'm here to see your damn father, could you get him PLEASE?"

She just rolled her eyes and yelled, "Dad some mans here too see you," Then retreated from the threshold.

An overweight man appeared wearing a football t-shirt with a jovial smile plastered on his chubby face. "Hello, who are you may I ask?"

"Yea, my names Brian Kinney, Your names John Specktor, right?" I said lighting a cigarette

"That would be correct, what can I help you with mister Kinney?"

"Look, when I came here I planned on not making any accusations and just asking you straight up and if you told me no then take you at your word. But when I got here I realized how stupid that was; you would never admit to the truth." I took a few more hits

"I don't think were on the same page mis-."

"Me and my Husband believe that you have been beating willow, We know her from the diner and my husband's quite the famous artist, not that you'd know anything about such matters. Anyway he helps her with her art and he's noticed things that were just off about her. Like the joy had be smacked out of her." I added in with a smirk.

"Wait! You mean to say my daughters been hanging around a bunch of Devil worshiping Fags?" he said with almost a laugh added in.

"Is that all you really just got out of my sentence you fucking prick, I didn't come here to yell at you about cock or fucking Jesus, I just came here to tell you-"

"No! Let me tell you something, you and your disgusting homo husband will not be around my daughter. You can send yourself to aids invested hell but you're not taking her. I will touch Willow in any fucking way I please; rather I'm smacking her or making her takes my .COCK. Every night. And there's nothing you can fucking do-"

Before he could even finish I felt rage envelop my whole body, there was nothing I wanted more than to kill this man right now. I picked him up by the collar, backed him up against the wall, kneed him in the balls the held him by his neck to the hard brick of the 2 story home. "Look you Bigoted backwoods mother fucker you better listen because I'm only going to say this once, If it seems like you touch willow in anyway, or if she's crying or if she's just having an off fucking day I will call the cops on your ass so fast you want even have time to kill yourself in fear that you'll be raped nightly by aids infected prisoners. Oh, and you'll just love what that do to children sex offenders in that place, it's not pretty." I let him go and he gasped for air right as I walk away, still angry I turned and punched him in the face. As he fell down to the cold cement I got in my car and drove away, I knew what I had to do. First I was going to talk to Willow then the friendly neighborhood therapist; I had to see Doctor Alex again, he helped me once with Justin and I was going to help me again.

As I walked in the diner the normal crowed of homos were eating their counted calorie lunches. I didn't take time to say anything to anyone; I just walked up to hunter. "Hey, where's Willow?"

He pointed towards willow, with pint up hair looking down at a coffee cup, talking to some flaming queens at the counter. I walked behind the counter, pass Deb and everyone else. "Hey Brian! You're not allowed back here."

I turned and looked at her quickly saying, "Don't get your tits in a twist, Deb, I'll be just a minute." Before I could even finish the sentence I had Willow by the arm. "Hey!" She yelled, "I'm working here."

"Come along little sweetness." I replied pushing her out the back door into the back ally.

"I'm really flattered Brian but I'm not into mid day fucks in back ally's." I just rolled my eyes, "Willow! I need to have a serious conversation with you." The look on her face seemed to swell up with a light of fear. Her face went pale and her lips made a slight curl. "What…do you need to talk about?"

I put my hand over my face to wipe the sweat of my face, how do you tell someone you know their father is beating the shit out of them and possibly molesting her, as stupid as it was at the time to say all I could think to say was, "I know."

She looked confused for a second then crossed her arms across her chest, "Know what?"

"Willow, let's not play clueless, you're not a Barbie doll; you know what I'm talking about."

Tears swelled up in her eyes and she placed her hand on the back of her neck, "God it smells like shit out here." She said deflecting, pushing back tears. A look of fear and desperation came over her face as she bites her lips. "So you know? What now?"

"Well I talked to your father; he seems like a_ lovely_ man."

"WHAT! Brian, are you fucking out of your mind he's going to kill me." She paced back and forward pushing her hands through her hair. "SHIT."

"Hey, hey!" I said grabbing her shoulders to grab her attention. "Look at me willow; it's going to be fine. I talked to him and if he touches you again I'll have his ass."

She was still catching her breath while looking around the ally, a little confused, a little terrified. Then she looked at me and wrapped her arms, "Thank you." Tears rolled down her cheek and to my shoulder. I pulled her off and asked her, "Now tell me honestly, is your dad touching you in any other way…like, sexually" I stammered over my words, this was a lot easier than I thought it be some father like instinct that must have been buried deep down I never knew I had seemed to be vomiting up. With widen eyes she shook her head no.

"Okay, look there's some where I have to go but if anything happens tonight just leave as soon as you can then call me or Justin."

"Okay."

And with that I headed off to find Doctor Alex.

**Willows POV**

I laid my back against the red brick with my arms wrapped around my knees, which were scrunched up to my chest. My head was pressed against the wall and tears filled my eyes as I closed them for a minute to absorb the situation. What I was feeling wasn't as much sadness as it was exhaustion; I was to fucking tired to be sad. This was all too much, all I want is a slightly normal life; A life were I don't worry constantly. Everything that's happened to me has been so much to the point that I'm really too exhausted to give a damn anymore. So that's why the burning sensation of liquid salt fled my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. Everything was just too much, it just boiled over. I was too tired to feel sadness or loneliness or fear or anger, all I felt was just one clusterfuck of emotions. When I opened my eyes I saw one worried looking Hunter kneeling down in front of me.

"Willow, are you okay?"

"Yeah." I replied, wiping the tears from my eyes with the side of my hands.

"That's funny because tears usually don't indicated happiness, but hey, if you want to pretend it is for just now, I'm down with that." He smiled and made a movement to sit down beside me.

I couldn't help but smile back.

"Thanks, you know, for letting tears equal happiness, even if just for now."

"What can I say; I have a soft spot in my heart for girls who actually get me to dance."

I laughed, "You were quite the horrible dancer."

"THANKS, Jesus is that what goes for a thank you these days?" he said nudging my side.

"I'm sorry, I guess my social skills are lacking a bit right now."

"No." He said looking directly at me, "I think they're wonderful."

There were a few seconds of that awkward silence you always see in love movies between the two main characters before they kiss, which I wasn't down for right now. "Deb's probably wondering where I am, I should go."

"Wait!" he called out. "I know asking you out when you're super vulnerable is a totally ass hole thing to do but I figure that way I might actually get a yes. So, what do you say?"

I bite my lip and rolled my eyes, "How could I say no to a proposal like that?"

"Tomorrow night? My place?" he said grabbing my hands

I nod yes biting my lip even harder to conceal a smile, and then we went our separate ways.

Later that night as I walked through the threshold of the door that old familiar feeling of fear came back. I softly and slowing moved my way in and lied my back against the door. A breath of relief came over me when I realized there was no one waiting to kill me in the living room. I made my way to the kitchen to get a bottle of water out of the fridge, after a second of exploring I saw a big man out of the corner of my eye which was accompanied by a hard punch in the face. The punch sent me falling into the counter knocking over a box of newly bought pots and pans. I saw his hovering over me and I heard a sound that was so unfamiliar, it was coming from me. I was sobbing, whimpering, and begging. I lifted my hand up to my face to feel the blood and tears. "Daddy, please don't." I cried looking up at him. He was still just standing there as if he was trying to think of the most cleanest way to dispose of my body. I really thought he was going to kill me. I really thought that until I saw him pulling down his pants. My eyes widened and my sobs stopped, it was as if I went into shock. I could feel his body against mine but I still made no movements, that's until I heard the screams of Sarah.

"DAD! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

She jumped on his back without thinking, "Get off of her!"

He turned and shoved her off of him till she went flying into her mother's arm who was sobbing.

Finally I came out of it, I couldn't let this happen, not just for me but the family he was ruining also.  
>I reached for a pan lying behind me and hit him once hard over the head.<p>

"fuck!" he cried out. With that I hit him two more times till he feel to the floor and was knocked out. I scurried from underneath him on my hands and knees through the blood filled floor. I made my way to the fridge and lied against it for a moment, just to catch my breath. There was a haunting silence that went through out the house.

Finally I looked up at my step mother and sister, "Are you guys okay?" I said pulling myself up on my feet. They both shook their heads yes.

"Okay, look." I said kissing them both on the cheek. "I'm leaving, packing my stuff and not coming back, CALL THE COPS. I can't stress that enough; you can't have this monster around you." Neither said a word. I stood there for a second staring at them then I ran up stairs. I grabbed a bag and put all the clothes and personal items I could in there along with some art supplies and personal information I needed such as my social and birth certificate and a few pictures of my family especially my mom. Within 7 minutes I was out the door and in my car but before I left I went to the bowl in my dad's room that held there emergency money and took 435 dollars. I didn't really have time to feel anything, even while driving through the dark streets of Pittsburgh I was still emotionless, I hadn't even wiped the blood off my face or hands. I found myself parked outside of brains loft.

I sat there looking up at the lit up windows. I licked my lips and ran my bloody fingers through my hair. Without much thought I found my limp body making its way up to the loft. Eventually I was knocking on the door.

"Bran did you lose your keys agai-" Justin opened the door and stopped dead in his tracks. His eyes were fixed on my bloody face. After a moment of silence my completely emotionless demeanor stopped and I fell apart; I was sobbing. Justin took me inside without a second thought and I thought to myself that maybe things will start getting better.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello beautiful readers, thank you for your support. I only got one review last time though so it wasn't as much as I hopped. So please, please, please review. I really need a beta so if anyone is looking let me know. This chapter doesn't have any HUGE event that happens but it has to be my favorite by far. 3 MirrorsNGitter**

I sat underneath a picnic shelter that was located in the middle of the park. All I could do is twiddle my thumbs and look at the dark sky filled with gloomy grey clouds; there were only a few specks of sunlight shinning through. I fucking hate rainy days. About three different times I had to keep myself from getting up and walking away; Brian Kinney sucks at facing his demons. It took me 8 years to face myself for the love of my life and now I'm being shoved into it for some kid I barely know, but I know it's what I need deep down. What was I going to say when he came? Hello my names Brain and I'm addicted to staying away from commitment? Fuck if I know. When I called Alex he said he'd be here as soon as he could but considering he lives about 30 minutes away I wasn't surprised it was taking him so long.

"You know, I don't usually make….park calls," Said the voice of Alex from behind me.

I swung myself around to face him. "Yeah well, I kind of need you to talk me off the ledge Doc."

We stared silently for a moment. The man was very handsome for his age; he was probably at least 9 years older than me. Before Justin I might have jumped on an opportunity or at least thought about it, but I didn't, not this time.

"Why did you pick a park for us to meet up, Brian?"

I licked my lips and replied, "Because I don't want anyone to know this is happening."

"Ah, I see. You still have that "therapists are for heterosexual losers" complex."

"I don't really think that…well not completely." I rolled my eyes

"I know Brain, your whole life has been expectations put on you by what you think you should be, all to keep yourself protected."

I looked at him slightly offended and slightly stunned. "Fuck you, you don't even know me."

"Woe, I'm not trying to judge you Brian, I'm a therapist. I hate to deflate your ego but in my world you're a dime a dozen. I see people with issues like yours at least once a week. The only thing that varies is why they have it and how they deal with it. Now let's figure out your story." He turned to me and looked at me profoundly with a smile. I put the bridge of my nose in between my hands and sighed.

"Okay, let's do it."

"Well before we get too deep into things, tell me, what brought you here in the first place?"

"It's kind of complicated to explain."

"I find it that once people start to talk, they can't stop. So the best thing for you to do is to just start."

As fucked up as this situation seemed at the moment I figured I had to start getting use to letting go of my comfort zone. It was time for this…let's just see how well I handle it. I really hope I could.

I took in the nostalgic smell of wet grass and thoughts of the past ran through my head that lead up to now. Finally I found words leaving my mouth and they didn't seem to stop.

"There's this kid, her names Willow. She moved to town a month ago and I and Justin found out she was being abused by her father. Now he wants to take her in as our own! Justin loves that kid so much; he's always wanted to be a dad. God he's be a wonderful dad..But I'm not ready; at least I don't think I'm ready. I just don't want her in my life like that. Yes, I'll admit, I care for the kid; I wouldn't want anything to happen to her. But just because I care for someone doesn't mean I can take them in like a lost puppy. Right? Justin gets way to emotionally attached to fast, I guess I love that about him. Fuck, I don't know what I'm saying."

"So what you're telling me is that, you care for this girl but not enough to want to be her…let's say surrogate father?"

"Yes."

"You're also saying that you think it's not normal how fast Justin had gotten attached to this girl."

"Well…yes."

"Hm, that's funny."

"Why so?"

"Because ironically Brian, you the "not normal one.""

I was taken aback by that for a moment then respond, "and how do you see that?"

"Caring about people is what people were basically built for Brian. We aren't a species that wants to or is meant to be alone. Justin meets this girl, who he almost instantaneously had a feeling of protection for, someone he wanted to be there for and care for like a parent cares for a child. So when he found out she was in trouble his love and compassion ran so deep for this girl that without second thought he took her in. Protection for someone he loved was the most important thing, rationality went out the door. Now for you, you claim, and I emphasize claim that you care for this girl but you don't want to help her. Usually people who care for other people are rarely so callus."

I sat up a bit on the bench to show discomfort, "What are you implying Alex?"

"That if you really care for her, which I think you do or you wouldn't be here, that you wouldn't be having some queen out, which you dignify as being rational."

I just sat there for a moment not knowing what to really say to that. I got like that when I knew someone was right but could not admit it.

"Don't you know anyone like that, who would take you in without second thought?"

"Yes, ironically almost everyone in my life."

"Well then you must understand what I mean. I'm more than positive that there are a handful of people you'd do anything for; you just don't want to admit it."

I was still silent.

"How do you feel about this girl? Now don't take the question awkwardly, there are all types of love. There's the love you have for your lover, like Justin, family love, platonic love, and lastly and sometimes the strongest, the love you have for children. My partner and I just adopted a little girl, her names Naomi. I never thought I could love someone as much."

"Jesus, Another gay couple conforming to strait life." I said the words and regreted them before I completed the sentence.

He got a stern look on his face, "Brian, if you can't take this serious then I can't take you seriously. I know you're just saying this to build up defenses, but you can't fool me. I even have a license that says so."

"I'm sorry." I couldn't help but stumble over my words. "How I feel for her? Well, I don't want her to get hurt, I worry about her, I hope she has a good future, I feel the need to protect her and even pride. It's the same way I feel about my son, Gus. God what's wrong with me doc? Have I caught some type of disease?"

"Yeah, it's called being human." He answered rubbing his hand on my shoulder with a smile.

"Yeah we it's a fucking bitch." I paused the started again. "Then why don't I want her to say with us, why did I never want Gus around fully either?"

"Brian." He paused almost for dramatic effect, "You know why, I'm just here to help bring it out of you. I'm here to tell you the things you're scared to admit to yourself. Do you mind telling me about the childhood you had?"

"Actually, I do."

He smirked,"Good thing you're going to anyway."

I would usually fight him on this but after a while I just get tired of fighting people on everything.

"When I was 8 I was in the stupid baseball little league team. One day we were playing a game, ironically in this very park. I was an absolutely horrible player, I guess that was the first sign I was gay; I rather watch the boy play from the bench than play myself. They would make me play sometimes; I guess they thought they were being fair to me. No one would ever come and watch me play; I would watch all the other kids make home run and their dads and moms would cheer. Sometimes they miss and their moms and dads would get pissed, but I couldn't help but think, at least they care. Well one day I went up to home plate, and I figure I'd strike out like all the other times but then something miraculous happened, I hit that dame ball all the way to the outfield and made a home run. I was so happy that I didn't stop running, I just ran all the way home." Was that my voice that starting to crack? "When I got home I ran inside yelling to tell my mom and dad what happened. Well, my dad he didn't hug me, he slapped me for yelling and running in the house. As for my mom, she was passed out on the living room floor. That was my child hood." Who was this person sitting in my body, crying, water actually flowing from my eyes, my heart beat racing and my breath falling. _My walls were falling down_.

"Well, do you think that affected you as an adult?"

"What kind of question is that? For most of my life my I've been pretty fucking convinced that it wasn't an iceberg that sunk the titanic but my cold heart. I'm lucky that I realized that I was letting them control my life or I would have lost Justin. I am capable of love and I do believe in I was just fucking scared shitless of it, and I still am some days. And it's all because of them…But I've made my piece with it, with them. I'm not letting them control my life anymore"

He looked down for a second to collect his thought then back up at me. "Are you sure about that Brian? Let me ask you, what do you fear more than anything in the world?"

"Being like my parents." I said without hesitation.

"Now, you applied that to your love life with Justin, but not to the other parts of your life. Have you?"

Then it hit me like a fucking train, what Alex knew before I even told him about my parents. All the sighs went off in my head and I felt like almost vomiting, had I been denying this all along? I know I've know it all along; so why couldn't I just man up and deal with it? I put my face in my hands for a second and murmured "fuck."

I finally picked my head up and whispered, "I'm scared. I'm scared of being like them when it comes to kids. I don't want to fuck them up or show any kid even half the pain I felt. I just can't."

Alex swung his arm around my shoulder. "And now that you know that you can realize how ridicules that is and start to live your life free from the shackles that are your parents. What you need to do is have a long conversation with them."

"I don't think my roaming goes all the way to hell. My dad died over 7 years ago and my mom passed about a year ago."

"Maybe you still can talk to them," He winked at me. "Just remember you're not talking to them for their sake, but for yours. They don't have to necessarily be listing for you to get the point across, Brian." He smiled at me for a few moments and with that he got up and started to walk away through the newly wet grass. For a moment I sat there then I knew where my next stop would be on Brian Kinney's journey to self discovery; I was off the cemetery.

**Justin's POV**

"Brian, where are you?" I yelled into the phone, "I've been worried sick."

"I'm at..at..Babylon."

"Why are you there?" I asked confused

"There was just something's I needed to take care of, but don't worry this place is pretty….Dead."

I sighed, "Okay, just please come home soon, I kind of need you here right now."

"I promise I'll be there as soon as I can…I love you, I have to go." He hung up before I could even say bye. I trusted Brian, but was he already fucking around? He made a promise to try as hard as he could, but with only 1 week in, was that really trying? I pushed the thoughts out of my head and picked up the two cups of hot tea off the counter and walked to the couch where willow was sitting. She had taken a shower and changed clothes. I stood a few feet from the couch for a moment; from where I was standing she looked like she was on a boat surrounded by an ocean of brown cardboard boxes.

"What are you thinking about?"

She looked up a bit shocked to see me walking towards her, "Surprisingly I'm not too sad, I guess I'm just relieved, you know?"

A pensive look came over me, "You should really let your feelings out, willow," I said sitting beside her.

"Justin, if I let myself do that, if I let myself break down I don't know if I could stop….Besides, Jessica will call the cops on him and he'll be out of my life forever." She said rising her hands in the air in a, thank god, type way. "Now, let's talk about something different."

Defeated, I said, "Okay, well Brian's being all cryptic, but then again that's nothing new."

She took a sip of her tea, "Trouble in paradise? Look I haven't known him too long but he's not going to go behind your back to betray you, he loves you way too much. And if he did fuck up or fuck someone it wouldn't be premeditate but spur of the moment and he'd tell you right away because that's the person he is. Just trust him, he may fuck up but trust him to handle it in the right." 

It amazed me how well she took Brian and mine's relationship. It wasn't the norm and most people really didn't understand the whole arrangement, especially the whole, I promise to TRY not to mess around part. He only said try because he didn't want to break any promises to me but at the same time he didn't want to fuck around or be with anyone else, and I knew that was true. Anyway, our relationship wasn't conventional by no means but once I explained it too her she simply replied, Hey if that's how your canoe rocks, and it makes you happy, I'm fine with it. She placed no judgment or hate on me because of it.

"Your right, I just worry that he's going push me away again."

"I don't think so; I couldn't believe he stood up for me the way he did with my dad."

"Yeah, he really cares for you, even if his famous ego won't let him admit it….You know he's not the only one. We all care about you, and I'm going to take care of you. So, don't worry about a thing."

"Thanks Justin." She replied with a smile and leaned her head on my shoulder. It took me by surprise, I forgot how much girls were more affectionate towards people especially parents. Even my sister who is the same age as Willow still puts her head on moms shoulder when she's sleepy or cuddles up under a blanket to watch a movie, or puts her head in moms lap when she's sad; I never did things like that growing up. But to my surprised I liked it; I wanted to be what Ben and Michael were to hunter to Willow but what If Brian just won't? If my memory is correct Michael wasn't so thrilled with the idea of hunter coming along at first, but he came along; Maybe Brian will too.

We sat up and talked about her date with hunter tomorrow, she was so happy about it, giddy to say the least.

"It's just a date thought; I'm not looking for anything too serious; At least not at the moment."

"Does he know that?"

"I guess, if not then I guess I'll have to inform him." She said poking out her tong at me.

After a while of talking and giggled she fell asleep on the couch. I got a blanket out of the closet and laid it across her. I couldn't help thinking that this was just the way thing were suppose to be.

It was freakishly haunting in the old dried out cemetery. I've haven't been surrounded by so many lifeless body since all the twinked out twinkies couldn't get in the backroom of Babylon. I walked through the muddy sod and into a private cut off part of the cemetery that was only for Kinney's. My mom use to say, we lived together we might as well die together too. Beside a set of tomb stone of my past relatives were two coldly grey stone graves of my parents; both said loving parents and children. It was funny and ridiculous at the same time. That's what people say when they have nothing else to say; it was some farce Claire picked out.

I stood there for a moment wondering what I was doing here, I really have to be fucking losing it if I'm about to talk to two fucking dead corpses.

"Fuck." I mummer, putting my hand through my hair, "We hey mom and paps's, how's it going? I know being dead must be pretty tedious so I though you could use some company. Maybe we could talk about the white light or my new company or my new husband, or hey, why not let's talk about my fucking childhood and how you both fucked up the person I could have been."

I lowered my voice a bit "You know in a way I should thank you, maybe my life would have different if you guys haven't of treated me like the dirt on your feet." I paused for a second rubbing my hands against my temples.

"..but there was so much time spent, so much fucking time hurting and pretending that everything okay." I pointed my finger towards the tomb accusingly. "Well do you two want to know the truth, my darling god abiding parents, I would have fucking LOVED for you to accept me, to have, god dare I say it, loved me. Would it had really been that hard to give a fuck, just the tiniest bit…Well congratulations, you guys got what you want; You scared me beyond belief that I can't even let myself have companion for the people in my life.

I stood there for a second thinking of what to say. Just like with Alex the words didn't seem to stop flowing once they started. Fucking word vomit. I thought for a moment then said,

"I hate to disappoint you both, but I'm done. I'm going to start doing what I want out of my life. Neither of you get too ruin my life anymore, I'm fucking done with both of you and Jesus Christ if there's a God I pray that I end up nothing like the two of you." I was yelling so hard that I could have woken every dead person here, which as of right now was everyone but me.

I had waited years to say this. My whole mislead youth and reckless adulthood had lead to this moment. All I could feel was pain and hate and confusion of the misplaced disappointment that had been bestowed on top of me. Now I know why I drank so much, I hated the feeling of knowing that at the end of the day I was nothing to them, "It wasn't me, it wasn't my fault." I whispered under my voice as though someone may hear me. It was never that I was not good enough; it was that they never cable of loving me or anyone else, especially themselves. In a way, I wish it wasn't the latter, I wish that it was me, so then maybe I could have done something to change. But that wasn't the situation and pity or self loathing would not help either way.

I didn't even realize I was crying but once I did I stopped for a moment to compose myself, I straightened out my shirt and cleared my voice, "Well I guess that's it, don't expect the visits often or at all because this is probably the last; I said all I had to say." I turned to walk away but then I stopped and turned, compelled to say one last thing. "I just want you both to know, there was a time I loved you; if there wasn't I guess it never would have hurt this bad." At that I turned and walked away, finally letting go of the past I've been holding on too so long.


	12. Dear Daddy

**Hello wonderful readers, this chapter is a bit short but only because it'll help the story flow better, **

**Please read and review, smiles, Rebecca. Thank you to my wonderful beta, justbeaqueen**

**My eyes kept glancing back and forth from the clock and the coffee cup. I sat on a stool with my elbows placed on the counter and my head strategically between my arms. I let out a long drawn sigh and licked my lips then looked back up at the clock; it was half an hour after midnight and Brian was still not home yet. I couldn't help but wonder if he was okay, I knew there was more to the story than what he told me; I'm trying not to be scared. The last few hours I had spent cleaning, painting, reorganizing, and being worried out of my mind. Willow said when Brian left there was something he had to do, but that was around 10 o'clock. **

**I still can't believe we're here, what kind of cosmic mind fuck put us in this place; because I'm actually happy. If you had asked me five years ago if Brian would ever become the loyal monogamous homo husband he was today I would have said it was more likely for me to fly to Jupiter.**

**I sat with my thoughts churning for a few more moments when I heard to door opening slowly, as if the person entering was trying to not wake anyone.**

**Then there he was, standing in front of me, he ran his hand through his hair and stood looking at me. His clothes were disheveled, his face was haunted and exhausted, and it was obvious he had a rough night.**

**I sat there for a moment wanting to say something but I was too tired to really form coherent sentences. He shrugged his shoulders and gave me that look that said "Well are you going to say anything." Finally I got up and walked over to my husband, put my hand behind his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.**

**The electricity between us was so hot in that moment, he almost fell over at the touch of my lips, and I knew exactly how he felt. I knew he would always be mine. After the kiss was over I looked him in the eyes and said as patiently as I could get my voice, "where were you?" **

**Then I turned to go get my coffee, as well as pour one for Brian, he looked like he could use it.**

"**Sunshine…" he started, like he didn't want to explain, and was going to try and dissuade me. **

**I looked down at my cup of coffee to calm my breathing and thoughts before asking "I thought we were done with this pushing me away thing?" "We are, I…"**

"**Then why did you lie about Babylon, which I know you did; Why are you coming home at 1 o'clock looking like you just got into a fight? Will you please tell me what's going on?"**

"**Justin!" he said sternly, yet smoothly, walking over to me and the counter and threw down some papers.**

"**What are those?" I asked.**

"**Just read them… please."**

**I picked up the bulk of papers and began to skim over the words, my eyes were filled with shock and my mouth curled slightly into a smile.**

**I looked back up at Brian and there was a smile on his face. "I had our lawyer draw them up tonight, that's why I was so late."**

**I looked back at the paper still with wide eyes. Was I really reading this right? I couldn't believe it.**

"**These are adoption papers, Brian."**

"**I know," he said still smiling.**

"**Are you sure about this?"**

**He nodded his head yes and said, "Very."**

**I smiled my big sunshine smile and wrapped my arms around him. We held each other firmly in our embrace for a while till he pulled away a little.**

"**Technically these aren't really **_**adoption papers**_**… but… they are the beginning."**

"**What do mean?" I was jumping on my toes looking over the paper like an exited child waiting for Santa clause. **

"**Well, these are foster parent forms. How it works is we fill out all the forms and get our lawyers to make sure the proper requirements are met and all rules followed. Although we'll still have to be approved to be foster parents, it should be fairly simple and quick. We can file for adoption after that. As far as adoption goes, we still have to wait for that ass hole to relinquish his parental rights, but that shouldn't be too hard considering how easily we could send him to jail. He'll be lucky if I don't call the cops on him anyway, but I don't want you to worry, I'll take care of everything." **

**I was laughing to myself about how Brian LOVES to take charge. Then I remembered what it was I wanted to tell Brian… but I had been side tracked when he first walked through the door. I guess I was caught up in the passion that is us. **

**Like most people when you have bad news to deliver you usually do it fast and quick like a band-aid, but this seemed to deserve more than that. It deserved to be long and drawn out and lengthy, for Willow's sake; but I knew I couldn't deal with the vivid imagery and pain of relaying the scenario and I knew Brian couldn't deal with the anticipation of my words. The band-Aid approach it is.**

"**I have something to say, I don't know how it'll change things and it won't be easy to say but it needs to be said."**

**His once loose and casual stature turned into a stern demeanor filled with worry.**

"**Something bad happened last night, really bad. Willow showed up here last night, and…and…" My eyes started to water as my speech slurred, "When she got home her dad hit her...then he tried to rape her...in front of their family. She was so broken Brian, I've never seen someone so Broken...she's so strong though, so amazingly strong… she composed herself soon after but you could tell how long she held it in."**

**I saw rage filled tears in my husband's eyes, he leaned his body weight on the counter with his palms pressed against the counter and his head looking downward. Finally he hit his palm against the counter, and screamed, "FUCK."**

"**Sh!" I said through heavy tears, "She's sleeping in our bed." My eyes still spilling out liquid salt onto my cheeks, his too.**

"**This is my fault Justin, and I'm so fucking sorry. If I had just taken her with me sooner she wouldn't have to be going through this."**

"**Hey!" I said loud enough to get a point across but not loud enough to wake up our future daughter. "This isn't anyone's fault but that fucking child molester. I'm proud of you, Brian, for everything you want to do for her, and everything you've ever done for me, for us."**

"**Yeah well, I wish I could say the same thing, look, I am sorry. I'm sorry I didn't bring Willow back earlier in order to prevent that ass hole from hitting her. I'm sorry I let my past affect us and the person I want to be. I'm sorry I made you feel insignificant because I couldn't face my demons… until tonight. I promise, never again, that stops tonight. FUCK guilt, FUCK pity, and FUCK my parents, I'm going to do what makes me happy, what makes US happy; No regrets, not anymore!" He pulled me in into an embrace and looked deeply into my eyes. He brought one thumb up to my cheek and used the flat of it to wipe it away, "Don't cry, sunshine, it's going to be okay, I'll make sure of it." **

**With that we stayed in an embrace till he pulled away enough to look into my eyes and said, "I'm sorry for not being here."**

"**It's okay; I thought you should know Willow said that her step mom was going to call the cops. Does that change anything?"**

"**Oh it will change something… but it will just end up making things easier. A locked up man can't really fight for custody, not to mention he doesn't have to sign a damn thing if the courts take away his rights permanently… So mommy Justin, are you ready to be a PTA, suburban, card carrying homo parent?" **

"**Well that depends, mister Kinney-Taylor, are you ready to help her when she's sad, love her even when she fucks up, give her advise that only you can give, and be the amazing father I know you can be?"**

**He rolled his eyes but I could see right through it. I knew how excited and happy he was for the fatherhood he never fully gave Gus and**


End file.
